Who do you say I am?

Very few things rock me to the core of my being. But this past week I was leveled by God. I think one of the things I truly love about God is his ability to meet with his people. It does not seem to matter if there are 4 or 400 gathered; He is always faithful to show up in the midst of us.

As I began to feel better this week, I ventured out this past Wednesday evening to attend a mobilization meeting for the upcoming onething© conference which will be coming to Houston in the fall. It was a small gathering of about 30-35 people. As we had a time of worship and prayer before the actual meeting started I just began to weep. Maybe I was starved for the presence of the Lord, or maybe it was when I was a questioned as we sang the popular song “Healer”.

Matthew 16:13-16:

13When Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, "Who do people say the Son of Man is?"
14They replied, "Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, Jeremiah or one of the prophets."
15"But what about you?" he asked. "Who do you say I am?"
16Simon Peter answered, "You are the Christ, the Son of the living God."

I made a decision this week regarding my health. Having spent most of the month of July feeling horrible and barely able to move each morning, I finally said enough is enough! I believe God is able to heal me. But as I sang that verse “I believe you’re my healer” I began to hear this voice in my heart and brain asks me “Who do you say I am”? Trying to ignore the voice it asked again and I knew that voice, I knew I had been pegged and I knew I had no response. I have spent the past 4-6 weeks living like I had no power or victory in my life.

When Jesus asked this question, it was Peter who gave the final answer. Jesus followed up by telling Peter that on his knowledge of who Jesus is, that the church would be built, nothing would prevail against it and then in vs. 19: I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be] loosed in heaven."

So here is my dilemma. We are the church that nothing will prevail against. It’s not a building or a group of people; it is just us normal people who are followers of Him. How often do we say we believe God? We believe he is our provider, our healer, our friend, etc. But we live our lives paralyzed by fear, lack and sickness. I’m honest enough to admit that I often just get mad at God for not showing up to rescue me, but this past year has taught me valuable lessons in sovereignty, trust, and just knowing “He is”. I have not always liked the path I am walking in, but I always seem to have known that I did not walk alone. So I was a little put off that God would ask me “Who do you say I am?”

I cried. I cried the next day as I studied these scriptures in Matthew. Because if I’m honest with myself, I don’t really live out who He is and who I know He is in my life. There had to be something in my life that the Lord would ask me this, questions this specific rarely come without reason. So I am examining myself, trying to look back specifically on the past 4-5 weeks where I have really felt isolated, alone and without much hope. There was not even any reason for it, my doctors came up with a treatment plan that would keep me well; I just had to get through the flare.

But none of that changes anything unless I truly know who He is. And He would be I AM. In fact throughout most of the Bible we are told who He is. He was constantly reminding the Israelites that I AM. He either told them who He was to assure them of his favor or wrath in their lives, or many times he told them who he was so that they would see his love, kindness, provision or compassion towards them. He always wanted them to know who he was and that was I AM. In the Psalms, David wrote over and over again who God was. He is my big revelation – I know who I AM is, and I know who I am not without him. Who do I say He is? I am feeling better and honestly ever since last Wednesday I think I turned the corner in my health. More importantly I turned a corner with the Lord. Who do I say he is? He is all I need Him to be – He always was.

Nothing makes the enemy happier than to see me shrink back and give in. Sometimes we have to encourage ourselves, we have to know that no matter what He is who He is.

Peace be still,

-cv