So there is a spiritual heaviness I have had to break through this week. Breaking the Silence is only 9 days away - and I think the enemy is trying to bring up some stuff to cause me to shrink back and not be a part of something that I believe so strongly in. Before I share my thoughts on forgiveness let me say - that this is not just a conference for those who have suffered some type of abuse in their lives, but its for anyone, (men, women, children) who need a breakthrough .
Last night Terry and I caught about an hour of the Student Awakening going on at IHOP University in Kansas City on GOD TV and as we watched student after student take the platform and testify to the healing power of Jesus, one theme stood out - FORGIVENESS. I wept as I listened to students who came from horrific backgrounds. Some who had suffered great physical, emotional and spiritual abuse that thankfully many of my readers will never have to endure. But one thing was for sure, they had experienced something that only God could bring in their lives and that was breakthrough in some manner.
Each and every student said the same thing. "When I chose to forgive", my cough went away, my pain went away, my shame went away, my broken heart went away, my fear ended..." The list went on, but all had the same theme - they all realized they had to forgive someone.
The whole issue of forgiveness is a sticky one in the church today. I think its because as humans if someone hurts us our fleshly defense mechanism is to back off and "separate ourselves" from that person. Secondly, we often feel justified in how we feel towards that person, so we give ourselves the right to walk in unforgiveness. Jesus said if we harbor unforgiveness in our hearts over anything or anyone -- we can not be forgiven ourselves (Matthew 6:14-15). So does it not stand to reason that if we are refusing to forgive someone who has hurt us or caused us pain that we might have a battle on our hands in getting our own breakthrough? Not to mention that when we hold on to unforgiveness in our own hearts, we tie God up and hinder him in moving in the life of someone who might also need to not only receive forgiveness but salvation and freedom from their own hurts and disappointments.
So my personal application comes form my own childhood. I didn't grow up in a secure and loving Christian home. My husband and I often laugh that he grew up in one of those homes you see in a early 60's sitcom like Ossie and Harriet, and my family was more like The Osbourne's. Truth be told, it was more like a bad scene out of the movie Prince of Tides. Some of the things I was exposed to and endured as a child up until my teen years were never talked about, and it was not until a few years ago that I had the courage to admit to a counselor what I had endured. My own husband did not even know and we had been married almost 30 years at that point.
As I became and adult, I really struggled with my relationship with my parents, especially my mother who I knew was supposed to do all she could to protect me -- but just could not. Even after I became a Christian, and years later as I became a follower (yes they do not always happen together), I really struggled with her. She loved her grandchildren and in many ways I see now she was trying to make up for her own mistakes by being a great grandmother. With me, more than 4 hours in a room with her and the conversations would go to bitter arguments that would just leave me exhausted and emotionally drained screaming for Valium.
Then one day when I was fixing to teach Tessa about respect and obedience towards her parents, God just spoke to me. He told me to call mom and apologize for failing to respect her. Now let's just say I was not stepping up to the plate of obedience because honestly -- did God know what he was asking me to do? I will say this -- that as a young Christian who had only been walking with the Lord for about a short time (less than 10 years), I saw my first breakthrough in my life. I called her, and I told her I was sorry and that she did not deserve for me to disrespect her. I didn't condition that apology with anything - even though deep down I probably felt she deserved the treatment she received from me, just that I was sorry and that I loved her.
Friends, in the coming days the dam broke and things changed. My mother cried over the phone and then asked for me to please forgive her. She knew that she had not been the best example in parenthood, she knew that some of what I had experienced was her fault, and she was truly sorry. And even though she was a mess, she was a mess that only God could deal with and for the next 4 weeks we were closer than we had ever been. And 5 weeks later after complications from back surgery a blood clot traveled from her leg to her heart and she was gone. However, not before I had the incredible opportunity to witness my brother-in-law lead her in a sinner's prayer and see her go from glory to glory. BECAUSE I HAD FORGIVEN SHE WAS ABLE TO BE FORGIVEN!God knew her time was limited, and he also knew that I was hindering Him from dealing with her heart.
So do you harbor forgiveness in your heart? Do you hold on to things someone did forever and refuse to let them go. Even if you are justified in your emotions, like I thought I was - you need to forgive. Out of that forgiveness you have the power to offer someone a chance at something they may never have - eternal life! Out of that forgiveness God can give you what you may have been desperately been crying out for years.
Peace be still--
cv
