Why is it that these days if I exert any energy on one day, the next day I pay for it. Today I have missed my 4th Sunday at church and as many Wed. night Bible Studies. While that alone is fatal to me, what is more fatal is that I am now starting to feel like I'm never going to get better. I am concerned that I'm always going to be exhausted, always have skin that when scratched is painful and always itching. I have Lupus, but I'm bound and determined that Lupus will not have the best of me. Until days like today -- when I truly lay around all day and barely get out of my pj's.
I have two options:
1. Resort to drugs which help keep my condition at rest, but have horrible side effects;
2. Trust in the Lord.
Hence my problem, I don't do the trusting thing very well. I hate it, I feel guilty about it, but I told the Lord as much that I would love to trust him in this area of my life, but I fail miserably. It's not just trusting to help me get healthy, it's every area of my life. We had this conversation last night over dinner with some friends, how we want to go deeper -- but refuse to go deeper and the reason we don't go deeper is that it requires us to release control of our lives and TRUST (there is that word again) something that is bigger than we, powerful than we are, but yet we can't tanigbly touch or feel.
So today I have been pondering over Isaiah 30. It's easy to see at this point that the people of Israel have formed alliances with Egypt and God is just a little bit peterbed so he once again sends Isaiah to warn them. And the warning is stern! But right in the middle of the chapter the prophet says, "it does not have to be like this". I am the God who loves you, you don't have to sweat, toil, worry or try to figure it out -- I am here, just listen to me, just trust me, let me love you.
These two verses have captured my attention today.
Vs. 15: In returning and rest you shall be saved, in quietness and confidence shall be your strength, but you will not have it....
Vs. 18: Therefore the Lord will wait, that He might be gracious to you; And therefore He will be exalted; that He may have mercy on you. For the Lord is the God of justice. Blessed are those who wait on him.
What a contrast. The first 17 verses are about how we do not wait, but the last of the chapter starting at verse 18 is just about the benefits of waiting and trusting in God. What He is saying to me is.
You don't think you can trust me....I'll wait.
You don't want to hand over that control...I'll wait.
You don't want to dig in....I'll wait.
I WILL WAIT - for you, because I long for that. I long to sing over you, hear your concerns, hear your doubts. I wait for you to come back and see that I am all trustworthy you just have to come to me every single day. I WILL WAIT, because I know you and
Chew on Isaiah 30 this week, it will challenge your ability to trust in not only the seen but the unseen!
Peace be still....
