For Better or Worse

Okay today I heard the announcement that Al and Tipper Gore are calling it quits -- after 40 years of marriage. Are you kidding me -- after 40 years "we grew apart". Unbelievable. I mean I understand it happens, but honestly? After 40 years you don't have enough in common to stay together.

I am prompted to write this blog, because (1) obviously I am married, (2) I believe in marriage and the sanctity of marriage and (3) I'm sick of hearing people whining about how they are "growing apart", not having "their needs met", and "he/she is not my soul mate". It's all garbage, nothing but selfish garbage and I'm really sick and tired of it. I can't count how many people Terry and I know that are separated, in the midst of divorce or just recently divorced for no other reason than "they are just not happy" or "have grown apart". Suck it up friends, get over yourselves and and learn to love unconditionally.

Terry and I have been through some pretty horrific things in the 33 years of the life we have done together. He has been through the death of both my parents and two siblings. I have stood by him through two job deployments to Iraq and countless deployments in the Navy for months on end. We have survived the near loss of our daughter, the loss of our grandson, the loss of our home and all our belongings and the horrifying reality that justice is not always just. We have stood by each other through years of unemployment and rejoiced in the success we have both found in recent months.

Divorce is not nor has it ever been an option. We may have thought about it, but in the end we always return to reality and understand that God has put His commands on us and together we will persevere. I'm not perfect, he is not perfect either, but there is something about doing life with someone who you know will be there through thick and thin, better or worse, sickness and health, rich or poor, till DEATH US DO PART. When Terry and I stood in front of God and our witnesses and took those vows we meant them. Yes, there are days I wake up and he just does not rock my world like he did even 10 years ago, I'm sure there are days where he looks at me and wonder's what is he doing? Terry is my lobster, some 33 years later he still makes my heart skip a beat, his laughter is contagious, he makes me smile, he puts up with me, and he is a witness to my life. He encourages me when I need it, he prays for me and with me, and even when I'm at my worst, I know I can count on him. I can't say that for many people in my life. Is he my soul mate? He is now, he probably was not 33 years ago, or even 23 years ago, but now - yes most definitely other than God, no one loves me more. But the bottom line is that beyond the love and mutual respect we share for each other, and when no one else loves us - we at least have each other!

God has a lot to say about marriage (Gen 2:24), (Ruth 1:16), (Ephesians 5:22-23). He has even more to say about divorce, especially that he HATES DIVORCE (Malachi 2:16), (1 Cor 7:10-12), (1 Peter 3:1-2), (Hebrews 13:4). Honestly, if we are Christians I do believe that we have absolutely no grounds to divorce. That is a hard pill for a lot of us to swallow, but since God makes the rules, our responsibility is to just obey. I'm not saying God wants you to stay in an abusive marriage where you or your children are not safe, but there are some things that are forgivable and there are some things that matter more and that is allowing God to show us how to love even when the circumstances don't warrant love in our own eyes. There is someting that I believe honors God and brings Him glory when we stick it out in even the toughest of circumstances of our marriage.

I don't know where you are if you read my blogs either on Facebook or Blogger, but let me encourage you. If you are discouraged, separated, thinking about or in the process of divorce - STOP RIGHT NOW. Think about God, think about your vows, think about what drew you to your spouse in the first place and then run to the lover of your soul, the one who can heal your heart, your hurts and your marriage. You see most of the people we know who are divorcing are doing so out of purely selfish motives. We talk to them and there is not one scriptural basis for their separation. They just "aren't happy". Can I just say this in love? You are trying to find wholeness in something or someone who can not in anyway satisfy you, how could he/she possibly do that? They are only human. Only God can give you complete satisfaction. Until He is the first and only in your life -- you will continue to be discontented in not only your marriage but in every other area of your life. You may find satisfactions and happiness for a season, but eventually you will be unsatisfied again. I speak this from experience.

Get some counseling, good counseling from a pastor or someone who will not tickle your ear and justify your selfishness. Make your husband/wife a priority. Learn to communicate (we had to learn that at about year 29) and allow your marriage to be a testimony to others. My favorite scripture that I encourage Terry with whenever we are going through tough times is this:

Ecclesiastes 3:11-13: Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

The truth is that together we are unstoppable, but when we retreat to our separate corners, then we are no longer together. That third strand of our cord is the the Lord. Without Him in our marriage - we probably would have become a statistic years ago.

Here are some scriptures I really want to close out with in regards to love and marriage:

Colossians 3:14: And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

The entire chapter if 1 Corinthian 13 - LOVE NEVER FAILS!!

Song of Solomon 2:16 My lover is mine and I am his; he browses among the lilies.

Song of Solomon 7:8: I belong to my lover, and his desire is for me.

Ruth 1:16: Your people will be my people and your God my God.

Proverbs 8:22 He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.


Blessings

Cindy
Proverbs 25:2 - It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings.