Entitlement Generation, What Happens Without Purpose, Drive or Respect

I have not had time to blog the past few weeks, primarily because I was so crazy busy with Acquire the Fire, then work/home balance was way out of whack. But as I sit here this morning with my coffee, catching up on email and taking something for this sinus headache, I remembered one thing I learned from Acquire the Fire this year - I need to blog about the "Entitlement Generation".
At first I thought it was just me.  Now halfway into my 50's maybe I am just too old to be tolerant, but after that weekend I realized it was not me IT WAS THEM!

I think you know this generation. They are all under 25, they have had more opportunity and privilege than any other generation.  Yet for all this technology and privilege, they still think they are entitled to everything, and that nothing is required of them. A couple of years ago I was helping a student write a paper on the this generation and we found a book called "The Dumbest Generation" by Mark Bauerline. My student is in his 40's and from Guatemala.  As we thumbed through the book, we both decided it was spot on an accurate depiction of this generation. So before I go into my rant of this generation and what is and is not wrong with them, let's touch on a few of the high points of this book (Bauerline, 2008): 

Compared to previous generations, this generation has:

• More Schooling (college enrollments have never been higher)
• More Money (most have at least $100 per week of disposable income)
• More Leisure Time (on average 5 hours per week)
• More News and Information (Internet, Daily Show, RSS Feeds, etc)

What do they do with all this money and time?

• 9 of their 10 sites are for social networking
• Watch television or play video games

What they don't do:

• Read (not even online - 2/3rd's are not proficient in reading) something I know to be true as a editor/tutor of college freshmen
• Follow politics (cannot even name their mayor, governor or senators and probably can't tell you who the last president was or the capital of their own state)
• Maintain any type of work ethic (if they work at all)
• Vote

____________________________________________________________________________

I wish I could blame this attitude on them just being young.  But I had to ask myself how as a culture we managed to raise an entire generation of young people like this.  There was only one answer - PARENTING.  Be careful when you say "I wont raise my kids like that" or "I will do better than my parents", and think about how bad you might have turned out if it was not for them.  

Now before you blast my blog with accusations that your kid is not like this, I understand that some people do parent.  Please don't kill the messenger.  If you are raising up a  young American who cares about their future, my hat is off to you.  Thank you for taking time to care enough to see that they grow up with character and standards.  For the rest of you, let me tell one of my greatest regrets in raising our daughter - I did not let her fail enough. While she is not boxed into this generation of young adults, I did realize way too late that letting her fail at some things would make her a better person.  When she hit her 20's, I had to let her fail, and it was not pretty.  Today I can honestly say she is one of the most well adjusted, selfless, and hard working people I know.  She and her husband (who definitely is not in that generation) work hard, they save money, they serve others, they do missions, and they would rather cut their arms off than ask us for anything.  

My parents (as dysfunctional as they were) understood something.  Failure would not kill me, in fact if anything it will make me stronger.  Not allowing our children to fail, gives an unrealistic view of the world and promotes this attitude of entitlement.  I clearly saw this at Acquire the Fire (yes during a Christian event) where youth were blatantly disrespecting their leaders, yelling at parents and yes, even confronting me on seating assignments.  Sometimes when I'm at the grocery store, or shopping at a mall or department store, I just want to deck parents.  Why are you arguing with a 10-year old about what they can or cannot wear?  YOUR THE PARENT!  They either wear what you buy or they don't get new clothes.  Thank you if you don't let your 10-year old dress like a street walker.  I go ballistic over parents who are trying to reason with children when they are 3, because I know 10 years later they are going to have opened Pandora's box for bad behavior and then not be able to do anything about it.  

I work in corporate America and I had a 20-something engineering intern argue with me about process.  His attitude was that he had a degree in engineering and knew what was best.  I don't care what you know, our company has a standardized, systematic process for how we do things and you may have a better idea, but TODAY this is how we do it.  Get some experience under your belt, grow into a company your planning on working at for more than 5 years and then try to change processes.  Don't argue with the person that has probably written more process documents and procedures than you have ever read books on.  Better yet, pay your parents back for that education that allows you to sit in a room full of engineers today.

For this generation, if you read my blog or your parents happen to run across my blog, I have something to say to you.  YOU ARE ENTITLED TO NOTHING.  Entitlement comes later in life.  It comes have you have earned it.  It comes when you have moved out of your parents home, quit being dependent on them to pay your bills, and  have earned the respect and admiration of your peers.  You are not entitled to every new thing that comes off the shelf the minute it comes off the shelf.  You want a $600 gaming system, get a job, save your money and buy it  yourself.  You will certainly appreciate it more than the one your parents gave you because they didn't want to listen to you whining about not having one.  If you want to dress like a street walker, then move out of your parents home and go do that.  If you don't want to grow up with sense of purpose or drive to accomplish anything or make a mark on this world that matters - stay where you are.  When you are in your 30's or 40's and all your friends who "got a clue" are working, getting married and living the American dream you might finally figure it out.

Thankfully, God is not done with them yet. Like I said, I know a few parents who are parenting their kids and they refuse to allow the culture to dictate to their kids what they can and cannot do for success in this world. I call them a "remnant". Paul said something about this as well. In Romans 11:5-6, Paul wrote: So too at the present time there is a remnant, chosen by grace. But if it is by grace, it is no longer on the basis of works; otherwise grace would no longer be grace.

God has always reserved a generation of people that He can call His own, that He can depend on when the chips are down, and who listen and follow to His voice. Even this generation has remnant. While I see more of the bad than the good, what I see in the good far outweighs the bad. These are young people of purpose. They don't go to college so they can earn more money, they go to college to equip them to follow after God's plan for their lives. They give of their resources, they take care of the less fortunate and they love and respect their parents and treat people older than them with respect and dignity. They care about the world, the environment, politics, and history. They refuse to be categorized by the majority.  

Back to parental advice. Parents please do not think that parenting is easy, it is very hard. Good parenting allows your kids to fail, it allows them to make mistakes and learn from them. Good parenting has consequences for bad behavior and rewards when you see your child shine and do something out of their comfort zone. This is what turns young people into productive adults that can leave their footprint on the planet for the better of everyone, including those with the entitlement mindset, who make no mistake are watching the latter with true curiosity.

...and now my rant is over...

Fasting - it's not about "trending".

Three things you need to know before you start reading this blog.  (1) I am married to a "good ole boy".  Not a true redneck, not a country boy, just a plain old Texas born and raised "good ole boy".  (2) This is the order of priority of things in his life.  a.  God, b.  Me, c.  NASCAR, d. Football, e. If NASCAR season is over - football takes precedence, and (3) he loves meat and would prefer to eat it for every single meal, especially beef!  That will help set the stage for this blog.  

Everywhere I go these days, even at work I hear about "trending".  Now back in the day (never thought I would say that), I thought trending was all about fashion and what people were wearing. Now trending refers to what are we watching, following, reading, listening to, wearing, etc.  It's all about what we do, who we do it with and where we are doing it. Why are we  obsessed with these things?  

This "trending" vibe seems to have managed to invade the spaces of our churches as well. Social media has turned our culture into a open forum for us to share every explicit detail in our lives with the entire world.  Trending is just the latest means by which we do that. Every church website I go to has a Facebook, Twitter and You Tube link, "follow us on....".

I became a Christian as an adult.  I was in my early 20's.  I was in a church where you were taught how to got a hold of the things of God and that was what you held on for deal life to.  You certainly did not follow after the things of the world.  The Word was holy, our services were holy and our worship was holy.  There was a stark reverence of God and His power that made you want to crawl in a corner and hide because you knew God was there and He saw you for who you truly were.  We went to church dressed appropriately.  The kids paid attention, there were not other services for them to attend that make them comfortable.  We had a nursery if your child was under age 3 and we had a cry room if your child needed to be "taken out of the service".  I remember thinking seeing some of the fearful looks on little boys and girls being drug to the "cry room" that if you were not crying when you got in, everyone would hear you before you came out. We had an organ and a piano and a guy who could not sing on pitch leading us as we sang hymns.  And guess what?  God moved, he rolled through that little country church every single Sunday morning, Sunday night and Wednesday night.  And church lasted until God was done!  The lost got saved, the broken became healed. Today I'm thankful for my early days in that church because it set a foundation for me to be able to discern when things were of God or just "trending".

Now before you (and all my pastor friends) throw me under the bus.  I'm all for progress.  I understand our culture as it is now and I also understand that we have to constantly be creating new ideas and ways that we use the tools in our culture to reach out to a lost, broken and hurting world.  I'm all for air conditioning, fellowship, and fun.  I support growth and everything else that follows from a church growing.  What I'm not for is "trending" so that we look like, act like and taste like what the rest of the world is looking like.  There has to be a reason that people want to come to church, and what we trend on social media or any other  media for that matter should not be what it is. There should be a true tugging draw from the Holy Spirit, and once those people get there they should be met with people who have laid down their lives for the sake of the others who welcome them, love them unconditionally, and disciple their relationship with the Lord. I don't care how good the music is, how my you hype it up, how great the coffee in your coffee house is, if people are not being changed - what's the point??

12:2:  Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

I think if Paul were alive today he would say, "Quit trending,  look to God. Think about God, think about what he is doing, what He is saying and who He is saying it to.  Then you will know that what you are following is true and pleases God and no-one else."

Back to where this all going.  First I have my husband's permission to use his example on the Internet and secondly, hopefully it will truly make you think about what you follow and why. More importantly what you fast and why.

Our church is heading into a week of fasting and prayer for a series of services that we will have at the end of the month.  I do not take fasting lightly, I think it should be productive and bring about change.  So does my husband.  So yesterday I emailed him about the upcoming fast and he quickly responded to me that he would be fasting sports.  Really???

Okay back to my opening, does football and NASCAR not fall in the top 2 category?  And for as quick as he responded to my email, he probably did not even realize that he was going to be saying "no" to football playoffs.  A point I brought to his attention when I got home from work last night.  While a weekend of no ESPN, fishing channels, hype up to opening race week on some other sports channel or what the NFL draft looks like for the Texans was a dream come true to me, in fairness I had to ask him -- why?  And it was then that he realized he had failed the litmus test for fasting. He did not even think about the consequences of his quick decision.

So this morning as I thought about trending and its impact on my life and how I behave, I looked across the room and this is what I saw.  We both have our laptops in our laps.  I have my tablet sitting next to me and we both have smart phones sitting our respective corners of the living room.  I have spent the better part of 2 hours writing this blog and drinking coffee.  I still have a stack of email to go through, plus a Dr. appt., and then grocery shopping and getting ready for the work week.  I don't know what Terry is looking at on line, I'm sure it is EBay.  I also think fasting is a private affair not a trending affair, so other than to post my blog, starting tomorrow you will not hear any details about what is coming out of our fast (detox) from our computers and TV.  Because that is not the reason for fasting.  Isaiah 58:6-11 (Message) is:

“This is the kind of fast day I’m after:
    to break the chains of injustice,
    get rid of exploitation in the workplace,
    free the oppressed,
    cancel debts.
What I’m interested in seeing you do is:
    sharing your food with the hungry,
    inviting the homeless poor into your homes,
    putting clothes on the shivering ill-clad,
    being available to your own families.
Do this and the lights will turn on,
    and your lives will turn around at once.
Your righteousness will pave your way.
    The God of glory will secure your passage.
Then when you pray, God will answer.
    You’ll call out for help and I’ll say, ‘Here I am.’

Fasting is to bring about change.  It is to break bondage.  So if you don't eat meat, and don't change what's the point?  If you give up social media, but don't change or cause others to change, what's the point?  I have done tons of fasts in my 30+ years as a Christian, some successfully and some not so successfully.  One thing I can attest to, the ones I get the most out of are the ones where I truly take the time to do something with God during those times rather than just fasting for the sake of fasting.  If I don't eat dinner every night, but spend that time watching TV, on my computer or on the phone - nothing is going to change.  I just gave up a meal.  But if I eat my dinner and spend 2-3 hours with Terry and we are reading together, praying together, hearing from God together - then God can move.  Not rocket science is it?  God is really not interested in what you do or do not eat, what you do or do not listen to, or what you do or do not do during a fast.  He is concerned about YOU, and the changes you are able to do only through Him.  The first five verses of Isaiah 58 say it all -- it is there that the Prophet says "don't care what you do outwardly if nothing is going on inwardly". 

I will be joining others at my place of worship as we enter into a week of fasting and prayer.  Because my work schedule is so chaotic and I am also preparing for a huge youth event that I work with each year, not eating is not an option.  My body needs fuel so I can be healthy, work out and keep up with my day to day life.   My hope is that this time of fasting in our lives will begin to prepare us for summer missions activities and for growing out of our complacent little lives into a disciplined walk with the Lord.

Our prayer in all we do throughout this year that we will experience God in the same manner we experienced him in those early days, where God was reverenced and where we still got to have chicken fried steak afterwards.  

~follow me....as I follow Him....

-cv

New Year, New Me?

I have looked at previous blogs I wrote in 2011, 2012 and 2013 all pretty much had the same "resolutions", and all were epic fails.  Why do I consistently make goals or resolutions that by the middle of the year cause me to feel like a failure going into the next year?  Does this happen to anyone else.  Does anyone know anyone who has actually completed these ridiculous resolutions we set?  Last year I lost and gained the same 20 lbs at least 3 times.  If I would have just stayed the course, I would have been at my goal weight by the end of the year.  

Paul told the Philippians:   Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead, I press on towards the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenwards in Christ Jesus (Phil 3:12-14).

I look at these voices as a resounding encouragement in my own life.  But I think I have become so accustomed to them that I am guilty using them as a crutch.  If I fall off the diet wagon, fail to make changes that I know will forever impact my health, or  just in the simple obedience of being a true follower of Christ, I tend to say things like this.

..I press on 

..though a righteous man falls

..my body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, etc. ,etc., etc.

We can all use scripture to fit our ever pressing need at that time.  

I'm not trying to start off 2014 as a kill joy, but I decided it might be worth studying some of the "life scriptures" and seeing them in context so that I might be able to figure out what makes me start strong and finish so poorly. And I made a discovery.  Its because I did not see view them in context in the first place. I just took the parts of those passages and made my failure okay in the eyes of God. Guess what, it's not okay!!  Yes, God still loves me, yes Jesus still roots for me, and yes I am responsible for the choices I make and when I choose wrong or just blatantly sin (I'm a commuter it happens), I fall on these passages to justify my failure.  It's time for permanent change!

I'm not making resolutions.  I'm going to focus my energy on living my life in obedience rather than justifying my failure because I know God loves me anyway.  I'm tired of falling on my face before God and crying out why.  I even catch myself saying things like "God why did you let me go there".  

There are things God has been dealing with me about for years .  So this year I will finish well, because if you read Phil 3:12-14 in context, the whole purpose of finishing well is to make Him known.

Brethren, join in following my example, and observe those who walk according to the pattern you have in us. For many walk, of whom I often told you, and now tell you even weeping, that they are enemies of the cross of Christ, whose end is destruction, whose god is their appetite, and whose glory is in their shame, who set their minds on earthly things.  For our citizenship is in heaven, from which also we eagerly wait for a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ; who will transform the body of our humble state into conformity with the body of His glory, by the exertion of the power that He has even to subject all things to Himself (Phil 3:17-21).

Follow me as I follow him (1 Cor. 11:1)

The journey continues....

~cv

P.S.  Unlike previous years, this year I will be keeping up with my blog.  

The List Maker

I used to think that when I could not sleep I just needed to get up and read, play a game, pray, etc.  Surely it would put me back to la-la land for a few more hours.  This morning that is not the case.  So I decided to look over some old blogs and realized how really bad I am at this blogging thing.  Even though what I blog, or what I feel I have to say to the world is not half bad.

It's almost time to turn the page on yet another year.  I don't do resolutions.  I do set goals, and looking back on 2013 I did complete some goals.

1.  I did lose 20 lbs, gained it back, lost it again, gained back 10 of what I had lost, lost 7......this could go on forever

2.  I did get to return to Trinidad and it was amazing, and I will return again.

3.  I developed a great friendship with a co-worker that challenges me, holds me accountable and makes me laugh (everyone should have one friend like this).  And even though she has somehow managed to live without Facebook, I love her still.

4.  If it was even possible, I fell more in love with Terry.

5.  I learned to accept people just the way they are.  And I learned that not everyone is in your life for a lifetime and sometimes you have to just let things go so you can be a better person.

6.  I started writing a book that has been 5 years in development.

I could look back on this list and feel totally accomplished.  I didn't accomplish everything I wish I could  have, but I seem to have managed to grow through-out this year.

I'm thankful for many things, but one thing I am truly thankful for is that God has kept me this  year so that I could really focus on the important things and not let the little things rattle me so much.  And I'm proud of that.  I have learned a few lessons the hard way, and one of those lessons is to not take myself so seriously that I feel like a failure when I don't manage to check off these huge list I create.  In the past, I would measure my self worth, my accomplishments, etc. by my ability to complete a list.

This past year has been one of transformation,  change and expectation.  I expect 2014 to be no more or no less than the same.  Each year is pretty much like this, with one exception, I seem to be transforming, changing and expecting the same things to happen that never happen.  Why is that?  If I'm honest with myself I will say its because while I expect everything and everyone around me to change, I'm not very good at it myself.  Maybe this year I will just throw caution to the wind and see where the Lord leads me. Life is too short to live it by a list.  I think I'm ready for the ride!



HAPPY NEW YEAR!

The Overwhelming Art of Blogging

The whole purpose of the blogging craze was that we would have an outlet to voice our opinions and force the world to read them.  However I have discovered in order to make this happen you must blog on a regular basis and get people to follow you.  I go through spurts where God is dealing with me profoundly, so as a result I think everyone else needs to read about it.  Or at times, I am just trying to write out of the truth in my heart, the trials of life, the burning in me to see the captive set free and  just living life.  I don't write every day mainly because I am sometimes way too busy, or because I tutor and edit college papers I grow weary in writing for myself.  However, in a few weeks, I will embark on two journeys that I am sure will mark me for the next 12 months and give me some interesting things to blog about. 

First I will travel to Trinidad with a small group. I feel like this trip is more of a fact finding trip, and so I'm really wondering what the Lord is going to show me during the course of the 10 days we are going .  So the first part of my post is "WHY MISSIONS?".   Well the easy answer is because God commands us to go into the world.  A dear soul in my life said to me recently that he could not understand our need to go to countries and try to make people believe the way we believe or to be something they are not.  I never looked at missions like that.  My response to that person was that "love compels us to do great things".  I do missions because I love people.  I do missions because I am compelled to go.  I do missions because the though of someone not given the opportunity to hear how Jesus changed my life and can change theirs too is too heartbreaking to me.  I do missions because I don't want to change a culture or make people westernized.  I want people to know that what great love God has for them.  I can't change anyone, but I can bring help, hope and LOVE.  So that is why I am going to Trinidad. 

The Seventh Year - a 52 week journey.  I am great reading fan of Alicia Britt Chole.  I read her book Anonymous and it totally wrecked my thinking.  I have been in a season of feeling "Anonymous".  I feel like I have so much to say but no-one will give me the opportunity to say it.  Or I think about being vulnerable and sharing my story and then rather than face judgment, I retreat out of fear.  So it does not surprise me that I am feeling led to not only commit myself to this journey offered by Alicia, but that I'm actually going to take this journey with my own daughter.  I suspect it to be be a freeing period in our individual lives as well as the relationship that has been way to long in rebuilding.

So follow my blog.  I will be blogging from Trinidad, since this trip seems to be allowing me plenty of time to update.  I'll post my blogs and pictures on Facebook.  Then follow us, as we take a 52-week journey through focused on prayer, journaling, waiting and watching God mold us into something better. 

Love compels....

Cindy

The Majesty of the Cross

It is 4:28 am on a Saturday morning and for the life of me, I have no idea why I am wide awake. This happened to me yesterday as well, but it was to my advantage because I was able to get to work ultra early and get off before the traffic started to build. at any rate, being up and fully alert without coffee on a Saturday morning does not make me happy but until my body realizes that it needs at least 4 more hours of sleep before I go and tutor all day long, I think I will blog for a bit.

I have been pondering on several things lately. I keep telling myself that I need to write more. I love putting the thoughts I have down on paper. It's almost therapeutic, but for some reason I just can't seem to find the time. Maybe this is why I am awake so early on a Saturday morning. So not knowing what to write about I went back to some old blogs to see what I had written about and found a list of things I said I would blog on last May (10 months ago) and have not. The list (seee May 2011 blog), was enought to keep me blogging for a full year. I realized none of those things have really burned into my soul as much as the topic I will blog on this morning. And that is the absolute beauty of the cross, the beauty of blood stained wood and the majesty and glory it represents. For those of you I tutor, that would have just made a really great thesis statement!

We have been singing a new song at church. We have been singing this song for quite some time. But for some reason the last time we sang it, I got to these words and I thought to myself "how can this be beautiful"?

As crimson covered
Over sinless hands
Your majesty
For all to see
In raging storms and quiet cloudless days....
...Beautiful Jesus

Have you ever seen the movie the Passion of the Christ, or truly looked upon a true rendition of that crucifixion? There is not much beauty there, to the inexperienced believer there is not much majesty there either. If you look close enough, you will see deep love, and if you gaze just a little longer you will understand the words of that centurion in Luke 23:47 - Now when the centurion saw what had happened, he began praising God, saying, “Certainly this man was innocent.”

To understand the beauty of the moment you have to understand that crucifixion was usually only done to criminals. What crime did Jesus do? He loved, he healed, he forgave, he fed, he supplied, he caused Lazarus to be raised from the dead. What had he done that was so horrid that he deserved to be butchered, beaten, spit upon and then hung on a cross "for all to see"? He didn't do anything at all. He was just radical enough to be dangerous. He was fulfilling scripture. He was saving the world. But he was no criminal. So looking back at my thoughts on this song, I was just thinking about three basic truths that hang in the beautiful, majesty of that cross.

1. Love. It was for love and no other reason that Jesus did what he did. Terry and I were in Austin last weekend visiting the kids. We were traveling around Sunday morning before Terry and I had to leave to come back home and somehow we got on the topic of missions. John said, he didn't see the point in the going to another country and invoking your belief system on them. I looked at him and said "love compels us to do things we don't understand". It was for love that Jesus came, it was for love he died. Pure and simple. John 3:16 - for God so LOVED the world... He truly does love us! And once you get a glimpse of that love, you feel it deep down inside of you. You don't just sing it in a song, because it compels you to look at everything around you in a different light. Your never the same again once you get this simple truth down in side of you. The reason people lay their lives down everyday for others is based out of nothing short of love. You won't and probably can't save something you don't have passion for. Jesus had passion for all - that alone was his only motive - L-O-V-E.

2. Forgiveness. When Jesus said "it is finished", he meant it. Never again would we have rules and sacrifices that helped us to get to God. It was over - on that cross hung the forgiveness of the world, "for all to see". I drive throughout the City of Houston quite a bit. Depending on my route to and/or from I get to see two huge crosses within our city. One is the St. Jospeh Hospital downtown and the other is on Beltway 8 West. And while these are both beautiful, they just don't do it for me as much as when I look into my mind and see the beauty and majesty of that one cross that set me free. God is not mad at you, He is not waiting for you to mess up so his can put his thumb of judgment on your life (been there, done that) and He is not ever going to stop loving you. The Bible is really clear on this. Romans 10:9-10: that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; 10 for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation. If we truly are forgiven, we live our lives like we are forgiven, we are easily led to forgive others and we understand that nothing we can do on our own can save us.

3. Hope. Love bears all things, believes all things, HOPES for all things, endures all things, love never fails (1 Cor. 13:7-8). My hope is in this one thing, that Jesus is my savior, he loves me beyond measure and his promises are true and for me. This has been a year of struggle health wise for me. I get well only to relapse and feel like I take two steps forward and one step back. It has been a journey that I have not enjoyed much. I wish I could say I have embraced this struggle, but at times the pain and exhaustion of dealing with it is just too much to bear on my own. My hope still is unwavering that God is faithful, even in my trial and circumstance. Even as I type this today, there is a song playing in the background which says "let hope arise". Hope is what pulls us through these tough times. Our hope is in Jesus, and all that he did when he gave his life. My favorite scripture this month is Psalm 118:17, I will not die, but live, And tell of the works of the LORD.

Three simple truths. Yet for most of us, the simplicity that brings majesty to the cross is just too much to understand. We always think there needs to be some formula to make something work. Or that God has a hidden agenda someplace. There is no hidden agenda. Love - the basic ingredient for the cross. Forgiveness, the need for man to have it, because we can not save ourselves. Hope, that what we believe and who we believe is rock solid and never wavering.

And with that, I have heavy eyelids and think I will grab another hour or two of sleep before my morning starts in full force. Peace be still my friends, embrace the majesty of the King of Kings today. --Peace be still....

Coming sooon

My thoughts on being beautifully broken. Watch for it!

Hardship and Blessings working together?

The radio is playing a song right now that is just ministering to me in so many ways. Because I have always been an advocate that our walk with the Lord is not about our comfort but about His glory, I am not always popular when some comes whining to me about where is God in the midst of the trial. I have just spent almost 2 years walking through trials, health issues, financial issues, and everything else the devil could throw. I literally read the book of Job at least 10 times to find encouragement and truth in our circumstances. Really - Cindy - Job?? I agree, Job is not the first place our "make me comfortable" faith wants to read but there are some great truths about walking things out in there that you will not find anyplace else.

So what if your blessings do not come in masses and miraculous ways to let you know that God is there? Does it mean he is not? What if you have to cry, lose sleep, walk it out in faith and find confidence that God is able? Does it make God less sovereign? NO! He is always going to be sovereign, faithful, loving, merciful, gracious, victorious and a million other adjectives that make God. I don't have answers as to why some people get instanious miracles, deliverance or answers. I'm not God, but I know God and his character. I have experienced Him, I have felt His presence in my life even when I questioned where it was. I knew that there would be victory, freedom, healing, restoration and redemption. I didn't know when I would see it, but I knew it would come because God promised. He didn't give me a date, he gave me a word and a promise and once you have that Word -- nothing can penetrate or break it off you.

Our walks are different. For some faith is just a part of our fiber. I wish I was like that. I have a friends that do not seem to have any problem at all taking God at face value, I'm a little more analytical and sometimes am sorry to say I demand proof. I'm not proud of it, many times I just sit in my the middle of my small living room floor and find myself crying out and then apologizing for not trusting Him more. I get impatient in the waiting much of the time and have to flight my flesh every single day to sit back and wait for God to work in areas I have been praying over for years. I am amazed that sometimes God has moved, stirred or acted and somehow I missed it, but then again I missed the fact that through the impatience, tears, etc., something inside me is different.

I have been camping out on the topic of "avoidable pain" this week. I have had to ask myself how much easier would things have been if I had not put myself in circumstances to avoid the pain of consequences for my actions. I also believe that this type of pain pushes us to what my wonderful friend Diane Sample says is called"unavoidable prayer". And that my friends is the answer. Most people I know who have experienced great pressure and faith trials have learned the secret to praying without ceasing that we read about in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18. If you read it in context we are to rejoice always, and give thanks in everything, and PRAY WITHOUT CEASING. It does not say rejoice when things are good, and give thanks when God blesses you without merit. When things are hard, when times are tough, when your health fails, when your friends and family seem to abandon you, at all times and in all things, practice unavoidable prayer because that is what is going to get results. I'm not saying it's easy, the disciples could not do it, but it is possible to learn to pray and out of that prayer comes everything.

One of my key scriptures for 2011 is out of Psalm 91: 16-18: Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him;I will set him on high, because he has known My name. He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him, And show him My salvation.

Every time I read that I am reminded, how faithful he is. So in closing this blog this morning I decided to do a little back story on Laura Story. She is the writer of that song that I am loving so much these days. What causes someone to write such profound lyrics, unless of course they have experienced some pain that God has brought them through and out of that you can minister it through song? So the back story is that shortly after she married her high school sweetheart the lives of the newlyweds were shattered when they were told that her husband had a brain tumor. The result of that diagnosis would leave them trusting God to a point of utter dependence. She wrote Blessings because has experienced walking out two years of her young life with her husband and trusting God every step of the way - even unto death. She knows that He is in fact all that He says He is. God brought them through it and today she writes out of that victory in a way that can only minister to those of us who have walked through or are in those places where it does not seem like God is moving.

I thank God for the past two years. I have learned some things that have forever wrecked me. Primarily I have learned that I can confidently trust the Lord in all things, even when I don't see the outcome. He is the keeper of my life and the lifter of my head and I will rejoice always at that!

Blessings -- Laura Story

Because what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

The Sound of Broken Chains

In the Frances J. Roberts Come Away My Beloved, I read the following quote this past week, "For thou shall be free of thyself, and thou shall be captive of my love. Mine arms shall gather thee, and I shall never let thee go."

I have recently camped out in the book of Hosea. It's a great place to study the faithfulness of God to his people and the redeeming love of God to anyone who will cry out of our captivity and to see freedom come. I don't think anywhere else in God's word do we see a more profound look at slavery of a people and God's only desire throughout the whole thing is to use love to free them.
____________________________________________


I think as women, we can also relate to being captive. No we may not be enslaved, well maybe we are. There are so many things vying for our affections, our love. We have husbands, children, extended families, jobs, careers, housework, and the list could go on forever. I know for me, I have to prioritize everything. I'm an "empty nester", which basically means I have no children at home, but that does not change the fact that I am very busy. Except for the past 93 days. These are the days that God perfected a word over my life, sat me in a down and caused me to watch Him work. It was not a period I planned or expected, looking back I can see His hand every step of the way. It was a hard way, certainly not something I would have chosen for myself, at many steps it was lonely, but I learned a lot about my own inner strength, but more importantly about how trustworthy God is.

In the book of Hosea we see an "chained" Israel. All God wants is them, yet they continue on a path of being enslaved. In Hosea 2:14-15 we read, Therefore, behold, I will allure her, Bring her into the wilderness, And speak kindly to her. Then I will give her vineyards from there, And the valley of Achor as a door of hope, And she will sing there as in the days of her youth, As in the day when she came up from the land of Egypt.

On December 12, 2010, I had a word spoken over me about freedom that "no man could take away". It was a word that was so profound at the moment it was spoken that I actually wrote it down. On January 21st I entered a period of captivity, but all the while I clung to that word from December, which by the way went exactly like this: It was for freedom that I have set you free. See this day I have begun to set you free from your captivity. Your shackles are broken, your freedom has been restored. I have unchained doors that no one could open but Me. OBEDIENTLY WALK THIS OUT.

On March 28th I saw freedom, but more importantly I heard freedom. Have you ever heard chains fall? Have you equated a spiritual principal to that sound? I heard chains fall (okay everyone told me it was pipes banging), but if you would have been there and you would have known what God said on December 12th, you would have understood the deep weeping, the rejoicing as I heard the sound of freedom in my own life. As I read through the book of Hosea time and time again, I often wonder if the people of Israel, had heard the sounds that I heard on March 28th. When they walked through the Red Sea on dry land, when he provided manna from stones, etc., did they hear the sound of their freedom just around the other side of the mountain?

I have tried for the past month to put this sound into words, but there really are no words to describe it. But the Word has very descriptive words about freedom all throughout. You know I used to think that being free in Christ was this whimsical fairy tale that only happened to other people who were much more "spiritual" than me and had the will power to be more obedient. But that is not what being free is at all. If you read about the Israelites, you will see that they were held captive all the time because of their disobedience and what is sad -- they did not have to be. Sounds very much like us, we become captive to our flesh and the whole while God is saying, "I will allure you". What God is saying here is, "I'm going to become so attractive to you that you can't help but want me". But instead we are like foreign lost lovers who have not seen our beloved in a very long time and think he/she is never coming back so we seek comfort in other lovers. We forsake that lover because we do not feel he will return to us, we become angry and bitter, we lose trust and then before we know it, we are enslaved. We are no different from God's chosen people. Thanks be to God! He does not leave us there, he keeps luring us, returning us to Him.

So below (in no particular order) is a list of my helpful hints of how to find freedom in the midst of enslavement. Trust me, you can be enslaved and not even know it. Remember your enemy is cunning - not too smart but cunning, you can get into slavery without ever even recognizing it until it is too late. Peter reminded us of this is 1 Peter 5:8. Slay the lion, cut off its head before you become trapped!

#1 - Rules without a relationship will always equal rebellion. If you have no consistent relationship with the Lord you are not going to find freedom. If you don't know God, it is going to be even harder to find it. See the Lord as the keeper of the keys that hold your life and very breath you breathe.

#2 - Physical freedom has everything to do with spiritual freedom. Do not take it for granted. You don't have to be captive to not be free, your spirit can be imprisoned and you not even know it. The only thing that keeps you free is daily going to the cross and dying to your flesh.

#3 - Get the image of the ABC sports commercial in your head. The thrill of victory or the agony of defeat". Choose victory! The lover of your soul wants this for you. It can happen.

#3 - Surrender control. Psalm 146:7 says: Who executes justice for the oppressed, who gives food to the hungry? The Lord gives freedom to the prisoners. You have no control over any of this in the process of finding freedom. If you refuse to surrender control - you will not win the battle.

#4 - He is truly the author and finisher of our faith (Hebrews 12:2). We can trust Him with any detail of our life. Because he is faithful, true and loves us so much, He can not help but do what He says he will do. You can trust Him, and you do not have to know all the details first. It's a step-by-step process that you must yield to.

#5 - Once you hear the sounds of freedom, don't look back and question it. Just keep on moving forward knowing that He is not finished with you yet but yet he will "complete you". He will be faithful to complete it. Psalm 37:28 - For the Lord loves the just and will not forsake his faithful ones.

#6 - Learn to say "NO". This was my biggest downfall. I would try to help even when I didn't need to and sometimes (many times) to my own demise. That being said, I have said it once and I will say it again for those who failed to hear it - I can't prove it in the Word, but I don't think that woman at the well got free at that single moment. I think when Jesus told her to go and sin no more, she obtained freedom the first moment shoe looked into the eyes of her oppressor and said "No"! Sometimes the sound of victory is just a resounding NO! NO I can't do that, NO I can't go with you, NO, I can't put myself in a situation that is going to cause me to look back. Nothing back there is worth it - it's what enslaved me in the first place!

#7 - Become the person "everyone else thinks you are". But do it in private and let the inner working of the Holy Spirit bring about the real you. Trust me, people who know you best know the real you are praying you do this as well.

#8 - Freedom is a process. Understand this. There are pivotal things in my 25+ years of walking this thing out that I remember without the least little bit of thought. But I have this period of my life from about 1989 until 2009 that I really don't have a great deal of memories or things that have rocked me. I wrote things down, but I did not follow through and allow God to bring me through the process of getting free. I spent 20 years walking around mountain going over the same things time and and time again. Did it mean God had left me, that I was not saved or that I did not love God? No it just meant that I was disobedient and until I gave myself over to the process of being free, I was never going to get there. I will also add, t hat it did not mean God stopped loving me either!

#9 - Start a journal. I am crazy about my journals. I write constantly, someday I hope to find the courage to take all the stuff from all the years of journalaing nd make something out of it. But I do journal and I blog. Sometimes my writing looks like this, but most of the time with pen and paper, a cup of coffee and my Bible. I will go back at times and pull the box down and read through them. If I see an area I have finally had victory, I will try to remember the date and mark it down. But most of the time I cry over the fact that I am still dealing with an issue I thought I left at the bottom of the cross years before. Yesterday I was reading in a devotional I use often. The Lord said "give glory to me by mouth and pen". It is not that God needs us to write it down for our sake, but we should write down things as a tell the story of His greatness. Because He never forgets and we always do, it's important to write things down, so we have a place of reference to go back to if need be.

#10 - Relax in the process. God's got this! Not only does He have it, He does not want you to have any control over the process. The more quickly you give in to the process the faster the freedom comes. See it did not take 93 days for me to get free, it took 20 years and 93 days! I just didn't realize it until recently. I was a pharisee, looking great on the outside, but inside I was dying, wilting away, and enslaved. Once I learned to relax and realized that God was already 2 giant steps in front of me, that I could trust Him and that He loved me, I was able to relax. It was not easy -- there were days in the process that I thought for sure I was going to have to take control again, but NO! He who has started this work in you will be faithful to complete it!

I close with this. In 2009 I went to a small village just south of Tijuana, Mexico with Global Expeditions. I saw many great things, and by the end of the 10 days I was a blubbering mess. I saw God move so many ways I could not even write them down fast enough. But when I saw little 9 year old Adrianna have her deaf ears opened, I was wrecked! I knew I would never be the same and I was not. But I also knew I was enslaved to my past and had not been free in a long time. And almost a year after that trip, that profound word was spoken over me. I had planned out my path to freedom under my own terms, my own control and my own guidelines from that very moment that the word was spoken. But God would not have it, He wanted to control my path to freedom. As Americans we recognize that freedom is not always free. Friends, can I tell you that as Christians, it's not free either. Your gift of salvation is free - you can't earn it you have to choose it and walk it out with fear and trembling. But your freedom cost you something and until you are willing to give up the stuff it costs - you will be held captive.

Hosea 14 gives us God's promise, not just to Israel but to us. In vs. 14 God says "I will heal their backsliding, I will love them freely". This kind of goes back to where I stared at the top of the blog "you shall be captive of my love". This is the only captivity I want in my life. Let me be captive of His love, let me be captive of His grace, mercy, and unrelentless redemption. Let me be captive of His presence. Let me be his beloved and come away with Him, let his captivity rule and reign in my life.

Be free friends, in every sense of the word you can be free. It's yours for the taking and today I pray that as you read this blog, you begin your own journey into freedom like you have never known before, freedom that breaks all the barriers in your life. That you will truly know that who the Son sets free is free indeed (John 8:36). Before you even realize what has happened you will hear a chain in a lock and the sound of metal hitting the floor. You will be free!

Selah--

Cindy

Long Time, No Blog

How is it that I have managed to not blog since September of 2010. This is May. I have been absent from most technology for about 3 months, but even still I can't believe I did not blog October, November, December or even January. I mean looking at my journal -- I find it absolutely surreal because I wrote out some pretty deep thoughts on life, love, etc.

It is what is it is. And having walked through the first part of 2011 dealing with more than any one person should have to deal with - I know I need to blog. The question at this point is what do I blog about. Here are some things I have to really share about:

• The absolute sovereignty of God


• Our ability to know deep down that He is trustworthy


• Friendship - how to develop friendships of substance


• Favor


• Momentary Light Afflictions


• Completion


• The sound of broken chains

So at some point this week, I will pick one of these topics and begin to write. Not sure what order the blogs will come, but rest assured friends my silence has been broken and I will be writing frequently.

Peace friends - the kind that surpassess all understanding. I pray this over your life today.

Cindy

God is Greater

Yesterday I was emailing back and forth with someone about my choice to go on a 10-day steroid pack to help alleviate some of the symptoms of my Lupus flare which we have not been able to get under control, and if anything were getting worse. I shared in an email to a group of people that sometimes I think God allows us to go through things not so much to test our dependance on him but to prove to us that "He is and we are not". Our modern day Christianity wants to believe that God does not want us to suffer but just fix all our problems at our request. But I have learned in the past 18 months that our God is just not like that.

On the heels of my recovery from a Lupus flare, I find myself in a very different place. I had a flare much like this before I started taking meds and it was all I could do to get out of bed for a full month. But this time, while I have rested and worked through the symptoms I find myself constantly on the phone, just praying. Praying for marriages, future mates, healing for others, praying for my kids, other people's kids, nations, nations, nations. People call me and I find I'm having marathon conversations on the phone and that end in late night prayer meetings.

My flesh reminds me to go to bed, rest is the best thing for my immune system, but can I just say -- I am honestly feeling my best after I pray with someone for something. I can almost feel the energy return into my flesh, and even though when I finally lay myself down for the night (like right now its 1:26 am), and can feel my body try to settle down, I'm laying there just in awe that God would take this weakness and this battle so I can see that He is who He is and I am not.

You know David never stopped loving God, trying to find God's face or serving. Yet in Psalm 119:72 he said "ut was good for me to be afflicted because it helps me to obey your statutes." Paul asked God three times to remove the thorn from his flesh (2 Cor 12:8-10), yet God told him that "His grace was sufficent".

We are such a microwave culture that wants everything now. But our God is not a microwave. He is a consuming fire, that uses the worst in us to bring out the best of Him. I can not explain it, I will never understand it. But it kind of makes Lupus look a little bit smaller in my life. I may never have a miracle that looks the way my small little brain envisions it. But for now, there is a peace that comes from knowing that even through my afflictions, God is still living and active in my life and that His grace causes me to rise above my symptoms to reach out to Him and be willing (even when I don't feel like it) to be used.

He is so great! Great than anything, bigger than my circumstances and bigger than my infirmaties.

Peace be still......

I have Lupus

I have Lupus - it does not have me. I work very hard at staying healthy, eating healthy, moderate exercise, keeping my stress levels down, and staying on the medications that keep me healthy as well.

However there are times, despite my best efforts - the disease rears it's ugly head as a reminder that I am not as healthy as I used to be and that I have to rest, because if I don't it could get a lot worse. I don't need to do something different, I don't need to exercise more, eat less, take extra vitamins, or see another doctor to "fix me".

It does not mean I don't love you, I don't want to hang out with you or I am ignoring you. I may not have outward signs of being sick, in fact I may look perfectly healthy. But I'm not - I have Lupus, a very peculiar disease that never presents itself twice the same way.

I have Lupus and I believe with all my heart that God wants me healthy. Just because I have not had some miracle does not mean that I have some sin issue in my life or that I do not have enough faith to believe God. But everyday that I wake up I have to remember that "His Grace is sufficient for me" and that God may use this condition as a way to bring Him glory, slow me down or make me trust Him more. Please don't make assumptions about my faith level.

If you want to know how you can help me here is a list:

• Pray for me
• Understand the illness, not for my sake but for your own.
• When you call to see how I'm feeling, expect the truth, if I feel like crap I'm going to tell you - it's not an exaggeration. I'm not seeking sympathy, I just get tired of telling people I don't feel good and they give me a confused look like "well what is wrong". Lupus is what is wrong.
• If you know I'm sick and have not been able to get out for several days, check and see if we need anything, laundry done, meals, milk or a loaf of bread from the store, etc.

I'm blessed with an amazing support group, loving husband who trys to make things better for me, sisters who may not understand what I'm going through but do check on me often, and friends who try to understand. But sometimes someone says something and I just have to remind people (as my pastor would say) "sunshine this really is not about you!".

And that is all....

Thoughts to Ponder

I attended a funeral this morning. My best friend from high school lost her dad. Hearing the life of Jim Rapp played out at the memorial reminded me of my years as a teenager hanging out at their home around the street from our home. They were like 2nd parents to me. I remember one day Joan's mom coming over to my house because all my clothes were in her closet and all her's were in mine. When I would spend the weekend over there, Jim would always get up on Saturdays and make our breakfast for us. I have fond memories.

It was a full blown catholic mass. I remember when Joan's mom died 12 years ago that there was a mass, but did not remember the details of it. Two things struck my heart more than anything. On the order of service given at the entrance of the church there were these words: "If love could have saved him, he would have lived forver". I wept for a short time, something inside of me kept saying - "Love did save him"

Secondly as part of the liturgy several hymns were sung. They were more like Psalms and Prayers that a solosit would sing and the congregation would join in on the refrain. So I wrote this refrain down just because I decided it belongs in my journal as a prayer for my own personal life:

Shepherd me Oh God, beyond my wants, beyond my fears, from death unto life. This small chorus was part of the 23rd Psalm.

You know I don't get into philosophical arguments over religion. I knew Jim Rapp and he was a good man. I want to believe that at some point in his 85 years, he understood the liturgy of his religion and instead of saying mechanical prayers, he truly listened to the words spoken and out of that realized that he was saved but not because of liturgy but because of the LOVE of of a savior.

May his family be comforted in knowing that Love did save him and he now lives forever with the one that loves him more.

Thoughts to ponder,

Selah

What does it look like?

My daughter said something to me during a short visit from Austin last week. In a tender moment (she does not share these with me often), she said she was trying to discipline herself to not go to the Lord each day out of duty or some mechanical formula which she was taught, but that out of a pure heart and devotion for His love and His working in her life. What a concept. Here is this young woman that I was given the great priviledge of hopefully not screwing up too bad and she is speaking into my life without ever knowing it.

I love quiet time. I hate it when I don't do it, put it off or tell myself it's not important. I have journals all over my house and sometimes, usually when I'm reorganizing things I will pull them out and try to see areas of my life where God has moved profoundly and changed me, I will see areas He is still working on years later and commit to NOT going around that mountain again, or I will just sit and laugh at some of the stuff I thought was God, but now realize I should not have given Him credit for that at all! I will be the first to admit that I probably come to the Lord each morning with some sort of formula. I will read a devotional, I will read some scripture, I will reflect, sometimes journal, sometimes pray, sometimes do both, but always it's the same methodology -- so now I am asking myself that same question. Why do I come to the Lord? Is it out of some kind duty that I have put myself into a cookie cutter recipe of or is it out of a true love and devotion to spend time with the lover of my soul? I think the "Christianology" word for this is "Putting on Christ". What does that look like in our lives? What does it mean to put Christ on each and every day? Is there a formula for this?

As many know, I have recently started Yoga therapy as a way to help my health. Going to that mat two times a week is not enough. I really should take what my therapist teaches me on Monday and Wednesday and put it into practice, but I think I have developed a mindset that I am only doing this for my health and for no other reason. Yoga would not be my first choice in any exercise program. First it is much harder than I ever expected to be, it is very challenging to concentrate on balance and form while in a standing position, usually on one leg. But there are three poses that I really love. I love Prayer, Childs Pose and Corpse. At the beginning of every session we warm up by doing a series of stretches which always end in the position of me standing still on my mat with my hands in prayer and about a 2 minute hold. It is during this short 6 minutes that I can truly focus on the Lord and his good ness in my life. It is in this position that I can tell God how truly grateful I am. Child's Pose finds me prostrate and bent over from a kneeling position, and even though I don't hold this position for very long it once again reminds me to be humble and take baby steps. Recovering from a major Lupus flare is a marathon not a sprint. And corpse finds me laying down at the end of my session and quietly reflecting on the peace of God in my life, unfortuneately this is not always evident any other time in my life.

I think putting on Christ is very much like any other discipline in our life, it may become mechanical at first, but eventually it should bring change and we end up doing it out of a pure love and devotion for Christ and what he did with us. And I think that is what Tessa meant when she said - I don't want to do this becuase I have to, but I want to do this because I am in a relationship with Him and out of that love and devotion I want to.

I don't want to feel guilty when I don't come to the Lord, I want to be okay with whatever time I carve that day. I don't think it's a mechanical formula we put together so that we can feel good about ourselves and mark that task off our list that day. You know, brush teeth - check, eat food - check, seek the Lord - check? There has to be more to this all that! I believe it's important for us to come to the Lord not just with our wants, needs and whining over our emotions, but because there is something that comes from sitting in a position of expectancy that the God of the Universe would meet with us. I am always amazed that no matter what time I carve out, be it 10 minutes, 30 minutes, an hour or hours -- that I know that I have been in His presence and He has met with me.

This week I'm reflecting on transformation. So naturally I am concentrating on what God's word has to say about transformation. In closing I want to use some scriptures as a guide for putting on Christ in your life out of Phillipians 4:7-8 - "And the peace of God which suprasses all comprehension will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. THEREFORE, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is lovely, whatever is of a good report, if there is anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things."

Until next time friends,

Selah

Who do you say I am?

Very few things rock me to the core of my being. But this past week I was leveled by God. I think one of the things I truly love about God is his ability to meet with his people. It does not seem to matter if there are 4 or 400 gathered; He is always faithful to show up in the midst of us.

As I began to feel better this week, I ventured out this past Wednesday evening to attend a mobilization meeting for the upcoming onething© conference which will be coming to Houston in the fall. It was a small gathering of about 30-35 people. As we had a time of worship and prayer before the actual meeting started I just began to weep. Maybe I was starved for the presence of the Lord, or maybe it was when I was a questioned as we sang the popular song “Healer”.

Matthew 16:13-16:

13When Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, "Who do people say the Son of Man is?"
14They replied, "Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, Jeremiah or one of the prophets."
15"But what about you?" he asked. "Who do you say I am?"
16Simon Peter answered, "You are the Christ, the Son of the living God."

I made a decision this week regarding my health. Having spent most of the month of July feeling horrible and barely able to move each morning, I finally said enough is enough! I believe God is able to heal me. But as I sang that verse “I believe you’re my healer” I began to hear this voice in my heart and brain asks me “Who do you say I am”? Trying to ignore the voice it asked again and I knew that voice, I knew I had been pegged and I knew I had no response. I have spent the past 4-6 weeks living like I had no power or victory in my life.

When Jesus asked this question, it was Peter who gave the final answer. Jesus followed up by telling Peter that on his knowledge of who Jesus is, that the church would be built, nothing would prevail against it and then in vs. 19: I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be] loosed in heaven."

So here is my dilemma. We are the church that nothing will prevail against. It’s not a building or a group of people; it is just us normal people who are followers of Him. How often do we say we believe God? We believe he is our provider, our healer, our friend, etc. But we live our lives paralyzed by fear, lack and sickness. I’m honest enough to admit that I often just get mad at God for not showing up to rescue me, but this past year has taught me valuable lessons in sovereignty, trust, and just knowing “He is”. I have not always liked the path I am walking in, but I always seem to have known that I did not walk alone. So I was a little put off that God would ask me “Who do you say I am?”

I cried. I cried the next day as I studied these scriptures in Matthew. Because if I’m honest with myself, I don’t really live out who He is and who I know He is in my life. There had to be something in my life that the Lord would ask me this, questions this specific rarely come without reason. So I am examining myself, trying to look back specifically on the past 4-5 weeks where I have really felt isolated, alone and without much hope. There was not even any reason for it, my doctors came up with a treatment plan that would keep me well; I just had to get through the flare.

But none of that changes anything unless I truly know who He is. And He would be I AM. In fact throughout most of the Bible we are told who He is. He was constantly reminding the Israelites that I AM. He either told them who He was to assure them of his favor or wrath in their lives, or many times he told them who he was so that they would see his love, kindness, provision or compassion towards them. He always wanted them to know who he was and that was I AM. In the Psalms, David wrote over and over again who God was. He is my big revelation – I know who I AM is, and I know who I am not without him. Who do I say He is? I am feeling better and honestly ever since last Wednesday I think I turned the corner in my health. More importantly I turned a corner with the Lord. Who do I say he is? He is all I need Him to be – He always was.

Nothing makes the enemy happier than to see me shrink back and give in. Sometimes we have to encourage ourselves, we have to know that no matter what He is who He is.

Peace be still,

-cv

God's waits on us! Thoughts from Isaiah 30

Why is it that these days if I exert any energy on one day, the next day I pay for it. Today I have missed my 4th Sunday at church and as many Wed. night Bible Studies. While that alone is fatal to me, what is more fatal is that I am now starting to feel like I'm never going to get better. I am concerned that I'm always going to be exhausted, always have skin that when scratched is painful and always itching. I have Lupus, but I'm bound and determined that Lupus will not have the best of me. Until days like today -- when I truly lay around all day and barely get out of my pj's.

I have two options:

1. Resort to drugs which help keep my condition at rest, but have horrible side effects;
2. Trust in the Lord.

Hence my problem, I don't do the trusting thing very well. I hate it, I feel guilty about it, but I told the Lord as much that I would love to trust him in this area of my life, but I fail miserably. It's not just trusting to help me get healthy, it's every area of my life. We had this conversation last night over dinner with some friends, how we want to go deeper -- but refuse to go deeper and the reason we don't go deeper is that it requires us to release control of our lives and TRUST (there is that word again) something that is bigger than we, powerful than we are, but yet we can't tanigbly touch or feel.

So today I have been pondering over Isaiah 30. It's easy to see at this point that the people of Israel have formed alliances with Egypt and God is just a little bit peterbed so he once again sends Isaiah to warn them. And the warning is stern! But right in the middle of the chapter the prophet says, "it does not have to be like this". I am the God who loves you, you don't have to sweat, toil, worry or try to figure it out -- I am here, just listen to me, just trust me, let me love you.

These two verses have captured my attention today.

Vs. 15: In returning and rest you shall be saved, in quietness and confidence shall be your strength, but you will not have it....

Vs. 18: Therefore the Lord will wait, that He might be gracious to you; And therefore He will be exalted; that He may have mercy on you. For the Lord is the God of justice. Blessed are those who wait on him.

What a contrast. The first 17 verses are about how we do not wait, but the last of the chapter starting at verse 18 is just about the benefits of waiting and trusting in God. What He is saying to me is.

You don't think you can trust me....I'll wait.

You don't want to hand over that control...I'll wait.

You don't want to dig in....I'll wait.

I WILL WAIT - for you, because I long for that. I long to sing over you, hear your concerns, hear your doubts. I wait for you to come back and see that I am all trustworthy you just have to come to me every single day. I WILL WAIT, because I know you and

Chew on Isaiah 30 this week, it will challenge your ability to trust in not only the seen but the unseen!

Peace be still....

Intimidation

DO NOT BE INTIMIDATED

So last night I heard a message on intimidation that kind of rocked me. It was not one of those lay on the ground slobbery knocking down messages, but more like once I got home and looked over my notes again and then looked at some other notes I had in my journal that God started pulling together this blog.

Please understand, I don’t blog about every good message I hear, if that was the case, I would be writing huge blogs each weeks when I listen to my own pastor. He’s a pretty amazing communicator and I always glean something new out of what he teaches. But there are those messages that you NEED TO HEAR so that God can just reaffirm some things in you that a person seems to forget about over time.

So it was last night. I missed church on Sunday because my medication zonked me out and I overslept. So a friend posted on his facebook that their church was having services this week with Tommy Tenney so we went out to listen. We like Tommy Tenney; we had read some of his books, heard him preach before and trusted his ministry. He is teaching on not being intimidated, not a topic I would have expected from him – but obviously the word in due season that I needed to hear.

Here it is a glimpse at my notes, a glimpse into the Word, and a glimpse into my heart. The text for my blog this morning comes from Joshua 5:13-15; 6:1-10, 20; Hebrews 10:38-89.

513 Now when Joshua was near Jericho, he looked up and saw a man standing in front of him with a drawn sword in his hand. Joshua went up to him and asked, "Are you for us or for our enemies?" 14 "Neither," he replied, "but as commander of the army of the LORD I have now come." Then Joshua fell facedown to the ground in reverence, and asked him, "What message does my Lord [a] have for his servant?" 15 The commander of the LORD's army replied, "Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy." And Joshua did so. 6, 1Now Jericho was tightly shut up because of the Israelites. No one went out and no one came in. 2 Then the LORD said to Joshua, "See, I have delivered Jericho into your hands, along with its king and its fighting men. 3 March around the city once with all the armed men. Do this for six days. 4 Have seven priests carry trumpets of rams' horns in front of the ark. On the seventh day, march around the city seven times, with the priests blowing the trumpets. 5 When you hear them sound a long blast on the trumpets, have all the people give a loud shout; then the wall of the city will collapse and the people will go up, every man straight in." 6 So Joshua son of Nun called the priests and said to them, "Take up the ark of the covenant of the LORD and have seven priests carry trumpets in front of it." 7 And he ordered the people, "Advance! March around the city, with the armed guard going ahead of the ark of the LORD." 8 When Joshua had spoken to the people, the seven priests carrying the seven trumpets before the LORD went forward, blowing their trumpets, and the ark of the LORD's covenant followed them. 9 The armed guard marched ahead of the priests who blew the trumpets, and the rear guard followed the ark. All this time the trumpets were sounding. 10 But Joshua had commanded the people, "Do not give a war cry, do not raise your voices, do not say a word until the day I tell you to shout. Then shout!" 20 When the trumpets sounded, the people shouted, and at the sound of the trumpet, when the people gave a loud shout, the wall collapsed; so every man charged straight in, and they took the city.

Okay for some background, three things I did not know. Joshua is not young here. He is about 80. Secondly, I never saw this until last night, but how many times have I read this story of Joshua and the walls of Jericho and never realized before that the giant with the sword drawn was a Angel of the Lord. Joshua was not intimidated by the size of the guard, he just walked right up to him in his old age and flat out picked a fight – “are you with us or against us?”. Cracks me up!

We can take the following nuggets out of this story from Joshua:

Joshua was not intimidated. He had a promise from the Lord that he would possess the land. When God has given you a promise, it matters not what you have in your hand, but what is in your heart.

Think about it. Earlier in this book we see the 12 spies being sent out scope out the land. Ten of those spies came back with a negative report, only Joshua and Caleb came back and said “heck yea we can take this land!”. This is the land flowing with milk and honey that has been promised to us, and yes there are giants there – but we can take them. I can almost hear him saying now – C’mon Moses let’s take these guys!! Make a note here readers, out of Joshua’s generation only he and Caleb walked into Jericho and inhabited the land. Their entire generation who walked 40 years in the wilderness died. It was the following generation that inherited the land.

When we are intimidated by our enemy, we can be intimidated out of our promise. Don’t do that.

Joshua had been there before. He had seen the giants in the land and he was not intimidated 40 years earlier, and he was not intimidated. I guess he woke up one morning looked across the land and decided he was going to figure out what ground he was standing on and just how big and bad was this enemy. What can we learn from this? I think we can learn that the longer we whine and complain the more surmountable our situation becomes. Engage the enemy early, cut off his head and let him know you are not afraid of him! Imagine Joshua’s surprise when he realized the guy at the gate was on his side. Now I wonder about this, were these giants armies of the Lord the entire time and out of fear Israel walked 40 years in the desert for no reason at all? Too bad they could not see with God’s eyes the way Joshua did. We are no different, one day a light bulb goes off and we get it.

Sometimes faith is what you do before fear takes hold.

I believe it takes more bravery to step out in faith and trust God than it does to stay in the place we are at and allow the enemy to engulf us in fear. My momma always told me “it’s hard to hit a moving target”. I hate fear. I hate what it does to me, how it causes me to shrink back, how it refuses to release me until I seek the face of God. I hate that the enemy has no new tactics and will always use our own fear as a way to cause us to not trust what the Lord has promises us, cause us to take control of a situation, or get angry at bitter at God for not moving on our behalf. If we will just step out and reach for Him, we might see the armies of the Lord moving on our behalf in our own situations.

Fear magnifies your problem, faith magnifies your promise.

Our lives tend to be ruled by us seeing a sickness, problem, struggle, etc., and then if we can’t figure it out we become afraid. I think most of our fears are a direct result of our inability to release. I have always been plagued by this. In all my years of walking with God, I can tell you that if there is one thing more than anything that t he enemy uses to engage me it is fear. I have been ruled by it, I have been intimidated by it and frankly I’m pretty sick of it. Fear takes my struggles and makes them look like giants in my land that I have no control over and I have no ability to conquer. I know this woman who has spoken more truth into my life than I can ever grasp. She understood my struggle and would constantly speak into my life the word “release”. Not an easy task for me. But I have found that when I do that, and I release my fears I am much more able to walk in faith in a situation and trust the Lord to do mighty things on my behalf. I am learning how to do this all over again. I have had a horrible 18 months that have been plagued by illness, instability and yes fear. I wish I could say I looked at each of these instances in my life and used the faith I have to activate something that I could tangibly trust. I have not stopped praying, I have not stopped believing but I have stopped trusting the Lord to cause me to overcome my giants. But instead I have looked at the continual report of doctors which have not been good, I have had a enemy in my face most of this year slashing away at the very core of my being, and I have done something I swore I would never do when I returned from Mexico over the holidays – I HAVE SHRUNK BACK.

Our WORSHIP ACTIVATES WAR!

I love this part. Notice it was not in battle but before the battle even began that the Israelite's had victory in Jericho. It was after they (1) obeyed the Lord and (2) worshiped the Lord that the walls came down. When the walls came down they had complete victory over their enemy. If we would just learn to praise our way through our circumstances instead, we just react and surrender to what we see with our natural eyes. Oh that we would look beyond our circumstances and the world and listen to the report of the Lord. Worship activates war. I think we see this principle throughout the bible. It has always been when we just stood back, worshipped, prayed and trusted the Lord that things seemed to move. It is not rocket science – really it’s not. There is no mathematical formula that is going to move God, we can’t outgive him, outlast Him, or even outlive Him. It is simple obedience that moves His hand on our behalf. At our church we have incredible worship, it’s the kind of worship that no matter what you face walking into the door, when the worship starts, you can feel the Lord begin to move in and among us. What is the Holy Spirit looking for during those times. I don’t think he is looking to see who is clapping, who raises their hands, who has eyes closed, or who is reading the words from the screen. I believe the Holy Spirit is looking to see who is willing to engage! I can’t prove it scripturally (yet), but it makes perfect sense to me. As my friend says, I’m just sayin…

Which brings me to the 2nd part of my blog Hebrews 10:38-39.

38But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him." 39But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved.

I have blogged this passage before, but it hit me like a ton of bricks last night, and it ties so well in with Joshua that I can’t help but include it as the closing of my blog.

Remember this, the Israelite's believed the negative report, they SHRUNK BACK and then they endured dying in the wilderness instead of taking hold of the promise God had for them. For 40 years a entire generation of God’s chosen people walked around the land that could have probably been theirs from the get-go. The problem and the promise had the same name. The problem GIANTS in the land, the promise was that they would be GIANTS in the land.

I have decided I do not really want to die in this land. I don’t want to keep going around the same old mountain full of fear and intimidation and self-control. The question I keep hearing over and over from the Lord, is whether or not I am willing to release that fear and allow freedom to come through it. I don’t think God expects me to just give in too easily. I know he wants me to, and I press on trying harder than ever to not be ruled by my circumstances or what I see in the natural – but what I cannot see. I wish I could – but if I’m gut level honest, I can’t. I am willing to spend more time in His presence, pray harder, release more, and trust more. But I’m sure there will be days that I fail, and run back. One thing for sure, I hate feeling like God can have no pleasure in me. And whatever it takes to stop feeling that way – I will embrace!

So I close with this to my friends and readers. We are not created to be intimidated by our enemy. We are created to engage the enemy and defeat him. Whatever your GIANT is, I pray you will call it out by name. When David engaged Goliath he called him out. You can go read it for yourself in 1 Samuel 17, but I loved that David was not intimidated by the size of Goliath. In fact he walked right up and said to him: “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the LORD Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. This day the LORD will hand you over to me, and I'll strike you down and cut off your head.”

Tommy Tenney said this last night and I wrote it down, and think it holds true. “God’s answer to a giant problem was a shepherd with a bag and a stone”. I can’t help but agree with him.

Let us engage in the battle, let us cut off the head of our enemy, and let us not shrink back.

Peace be still,

Cindy