I attended a funeral this morning. My best friend from high school lost her dad. Hearing the life of Jim Rapp played out at the memorial reminded me of my years as a teenager hanging out at their home around the street from our home. They were like 2nd parents to me. I remember one day Joan's mom coming over to my house because all my clothes were in her closet and all her's were in mine. When I would spend the weekend over there, Jim would always get up on Saturdays and make our breakfast for us. I have fond memories.
It was a full blown catholic mass. I remember when Joan's mom died 12 years ago that there was a mass, but did not remember the details of it. Two things struck my heart more than anything. On the order of service given at the entrance of the church there were these words: "If love could have saved him, he would have lived forver". I wept for a short time, something inside of me kept saying - "Love did save him"
Secondly as part of the liturgy several hymns were sung. They were more like Psalms and Prayers that a solosit would sing and the congregation would join in on the refrain. So I wrote this refrain down just because I decided it belongs in my journal as a prayer for my own personal life:
Shepherd me Oh God, beyond my wants, beyond my fears, from death unto life. This small chorus was part of the 23rd Psalm.
You know I don't get into philosophical arguments over religion. I knew Jim Rapp and he was a good man. I want to believe that at some point in his 85 years, he understood the liturgy of his religion and instead of saying mechanical prayers, he truly listened to the words spoken and out of that realized that he was saved but not because of liturgy but because of the LOVE of of a savior.
May his family be comforted in knowing that Love did save him and he now lives forever with the one that loves him more.
Thoughts to ponder,
Selah
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
What does it look like?
My daughter said something to me during a short visit from Austin last week. In a tender moment (she does not share these with me often), she said she was trying to discipline herself to not go to the Lord each day out of duty or some mechanical formula which she was taught, but that out of a pure heart and devotion for His love and His working in her life. What a concept. Here is this young woman that I was given the great priviledge of hopefully not screwing up too bad and she is speaking into my life without ever knowing it.
I love quiet time. I hate it when I don't do it, put it off or tell myself it's not important. I have journals all over my house and sometimes, usually when I'm reorganizing things I will pull them out and try to see areas of my life where God has moved profoundly and changed me, I will see areas He is still working on years later and commit to NOT going around that mountain again, or I will just sit and laugh at some of the stuff I thought was God, but now realize I should not have given Him credit for that at all! I will be the first to admit that I probably come to the Lord each morning with some sort of formula. I will read a devotional, I will read some scripture, I will reflect, sometimes journal, sometimes pray, sometimes do both, but always it's the same methodology -- so now I am asking myself that same question. Why do I come to the Lord? Is it out of some kind duty that I have put myself into a cookie cutter recipe of or is it out of a true love and devotion to spend time with the lover of my soul? I think the "Christianology" word for this is "Putting on Christ". What does that look like in our lives? What does it mean to put Christ on each and every day? Is there a formula for this?
As many know, I have recently started Yoga therapy as a way to help my health. Going to that mat two times a week is not enough. I really should take what my therapist teaches me on Monday and Wednesday and put it into practice, but I think I have developed a mindset that I am only doing this for my health and for no other reason. Yoga would not be my first choice in any exercise program. First it is much harder than I ever expected to be, it is very challenging to concentrate on balance and form while in a standing position, usually on one leg. But there are three poses that I really love. I love Prayer, Childs Pose and Corpse. At the beginning of every session we warm up by doing a series of stretches which always end in the position of me standing still on my mat with my hands in prayer and about a 2 minute hold. It is during this short 6 minutes that I can truly focus on the Lord and his good ness in my life. It is in this position that I can tell God how truly grateful I am. Child's Pose finds me prostrate and bent over from a kneeling position, and even though I don't hold this position for very long it once again reminds me to be humble and take baby steps. Recovering from a major Lupus flare is a marathon not a sprint. And corpse finds me laying down at the end of my session and quietly reflecting on the peace of God in my life, unfortuneately this is not always evident any other time in my life.
I think putting on Christ is very much like any other discipline in our life, it may become mechanical at first, but eventually it should bring change and we end up doing it out of a pure love and devotion for Christ and what he did with us. And I think that is what Tessa meant when she said - I don't want to do this becuase I have to, but I want to do this because I am in a relationship with Him and out of that love and devotion I want to.
I don't want to feel guilty when I don't come to the Lord, I want to be okay with whatever time I carve that day. I don't think it's a mechanical formula we put together so that we can feel good about ourselves and mark that task off our list that day. You know, brush teeth - check, eat food - check, seek the Lord - check? There has to be more to this all that! I believe it's important for us to come to the Lord not just with our wants, needs and whining over our emotions, but because there is something that comes from sitting in a position of expectancy that the God of the Universe would meet with us. I am always amazed that no matter what time I carve out, be it 10 minutes, 30 minutes, an hour or hours -- that I know that I have been in His presence and He has met with me.
This week I'm reflecting on transformation. So naturally I am concentrating on what God's word has to say about transformation. In closing I want to use some scriptures as a guide for putting on Christ in your life out of Phillipians 4:7-8 - "And the peace of God which suprasses all comprehension will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. THEREFORE, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is lovely, whatever is of a good report, if there is anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things."
Until next time friends,
Selah
I love quiet time. I hate it when I don't do it, put it off or tell myself it's not important. I have journals all over my house and sometimes, usually when I'm reorganizing things I will pull them out and try to see areas of my life where God has moved profoundly and changed me, I will see areas He is still working on years later and commit to NOT going around that mountain again, or I will just sit and laugh at some of the stuff I thought was God, but now realize I should not have given Him credit for that at all! I will be the first to admit that I probably come to the Lord each morning with some sort of formula. I will read a devotional, I will read some scripture, I will reflect, sometimes journal, sometimes pray, sometimes do both, but always it's the same methodology -- so now I am asking myself that same question. Why do I come to the Lord? Is it out of some kind duty that I have put myself into a cookie cutter recipe of or is it out of a true love and devotion to spend time with the lover of my soul? I think the "Christianology" word for this is "Putting on Christ". What does that look like in our lives? What does it mean to put Christ on each and every day? Is there a formula for this?
As many know, I have recently started Yoga therapy as a way to help my health. Going to that mat two times a week is not enough. I really should take what my therapist teaches me on Monday and Wednesday and put it into practice, but I think I have developed a mindset that I am only doing this for my health and for no other reason. Yoga would not be my first choice in any exercise program. First it is much harder than I ever expected to be, it is very challenging to concentrate on balance and form while in a standing position, usually on one leg. But there are three poses that I really love. I love Prayer, Childs Pose and Corpse. At the beginning of every session we warm up by doing a series of stretches which always end in the position of me standing still on my mat with my hands in prayer and about a 2 minute hold. It is during this short 6 minutes that I can truly focus on the Lord and his good ness in my life. It is in this position that I can tell God how truly grateful I am. Child's Pose finds me prostrate and bent over from a kneeling position, and even though I don't hold this position for very long it once again reminds me to be humble and take baby steps. Recovering from a major Lupus flare is a marathon not a sprint. And corpse finds me laying down at the end of my session and quietly reflecting on the peace of God in my life, unfortuneately this is not always evident any other time in my life.
I think putting on Christ is very much like any other discipline in our life, it may become mechanical at first, but eventually it should bring change and we end up doing it out of a pure love and devotion for Christ and what he did with us. And I think that is what Tessa meant when she said - I don't want to do this becuase I have to, but I want to do this because I am in a relationship with Him and out of that love and devotion I want to.
I don't want to feel guilty when I don't come to the Lord, I want to be okay with whatever time I carve that day. I don't think it's a mechanical formula we put together so that we can feel good about ourselves and mark that task off our list that day. You know, brush teeth - check, eat food - check, seek the Lord - check? There has to be more to this all that! I believe it's important for us to come to the Lord not just with our wants, needs and whining over our emotions, but because there is something that comes from sitting in a position of expectancy that the God of the Universe would meet with us. I am always amazed that no matter what time I carve out, be it 10 minutes, 30 minutes, an hour or hours -- that I know that I have been in His presence and He has met with me.
This week I'm reflecting on transformation. So naturally I am concentrating on what God's word has to say about transformation. In closing I want to use some scriptures as a guide for putting on Christ in your life out of Phillipians 4:7-8 - "And the peace of God which suprasses all comprehension will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. THEREFORE, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is lovely, whatever is of a good report, if there is anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things."
Until next time friends,
Selah
Monday, August 2, 2010
Who do you say I am?
Very few things rock me to the core of my being. But this past week I was leveled by God. I think one of the things I truly love about God is his ability to meet with his people. It does not seem to matter if there are 4 or 400 gathered; He is always faithful to show up in the midst of us.
As I began to feel better this week, I ventured out this past Wednesday evening to attend a mobilization meeting for the upcoming onething© conference which will be coming to Houston in the fall. It was a small gathering of about 30-35 people. As we had a time of worship and prayer before the actual meeting started I just began to weep. Maybe I was starved for the presence of the Lord, or maybe it was when I was a questioned as we sang the popular song “Healer”.
Matthew 16:13-16:
13When Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, "Who do people say the Son of Man is?"
14They replied, "Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, Jeremiah or one of the prophets."
15"But what about you?" he asked. "Who do you say I am?"
16Simon Peter answered, "You are the Christ, the Son of the living God."
I made a decision this week regarding my health. Having spent most of the month of July feeling horrible and barely able to move each morning, I finally said enough is enough! I believe God is able to heal me. But as I sang that verse “I believe you’re my healer” I began to hear this voice in my heart and brain asks me “Who do you say I am”? Trying to ignore the voice it asked again and I knew that voice, I knew I had been pegged and I knew I had no response. I have spent the past 4-6 weeks living like I had no power or victory in my life.
When Jesus asked this question, it was Peter who gave the final answer. Jesus followed up by telling Peter that on his knowledge of who Jesus is, that the church would be built, nothing would prevail against it and then in vs. 19: I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be] loosed in heaven."
So here is my dilemma. We are the church that nothing will prevail against. It’s not a building or a group of people; it is just us normal people who are followers of Him. How often do we say we believe God? We believe he is our provider, our healer, our friend, etc. But we live our lives paralyzed by fear, lack and sickness. I’m honest enough to admit that I often just get mad at God for not showing up to rescue me, but this past year has taught me valuable lessons in sovereignty, trust, and just knowing “He is”. I have not always liked the path I am walking in, but I always seem to have known that I did not walk alone. So I was a little put off that God would ask me “Who do you say I am?”
I cried. I cried the next day as I studied these scriptures in Matthew. Because if I’m honest with myself, I don’t really live out who He is and who I know He is in my life. There had to be something in my life that the Lord would ask me this, questions this specific rarely come without reason. So I am examining myself, trying to look back specifically on the past 4-5 weeks where I have really felt isolated, alone and without much hope. There was not even any reason for it, my doctors came up with a treatment plan that would keep me well; I just had to get through the flare.
But none of that changes anything unless I truly know who He is. And He would be I AM. In fact throughout most of the Bible we are told who He is. He was constantly reminding the Israelites that I AM. He either told them who He was to assure them of his favor or wrath in their lives, or many times he told them who he was so that they would see his love, kindness, provision or compassion towards them. He always wanted them to know who he was and that was I AM. In the Psalms, David wrote over and over again who God was. He is my big revelation – I know who I AM is, and I know who I am not without him. Who do I say He is? I am feeling better and honestly ever since last Wednesday I think I turned the corner in my health. More importantly I turned a corner with the Lord. Who do I say he is? He is all I need Him to be – He always was.
Nothing makes the enemy happier than to see me shrink back and give in. Sometimes we have to encourage ourselves, we have to know that no matter what He is who He is.
Peace be still,
-cv
As I began to feel better this week, I ventured out this past Wednesday evening to attend a mobilization meeting for the upcoming onething© conference which will be coming to Houston in the fall. It was a small gathering of about 30-35 people. As we had a time of worship and prayer before the actual meeting started I just began to weep. Maybe I was starved for the presence of the Lord, or maybe it was when I was a questioned as we sang the popular song “Healer”.
Matthew 16:13-16:
13When Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, "Who do people say the Son of Man is?"
14They replied, "Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, Jeremiah or one of the prophets."
15"But what about you?" he asked. "Who do you say I am?"
16Simon Peter answered, "You are the Christ, the Son of the living God."
I made a decision this week regarding my health. Having spent most of the month of July feeling horrible and barely able to move each morning, I finally said enough is enough! I believe God is able to heal me. But as I sang that verse “I believe you’re my healer” I began to hear this voice in my heart and brain asks me “Who do you say I am”? Trying to ignore the voice it asked again and I knew that voice, I knew I had been pegged and I knew I had no response. I have spent the past 4-6 weeks living like I had no power or victory in my life.
When Jesus asked this question, it was Peter who gave the final answer. Jesus followed up by telling Peter that on his knowledge of who Jesus is, that the church would be built, nothing would prevail against it and then in vs. 19: I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be] loosed in heaven."
So here is my dilemma. We are the church that nothing will prevail against. It’s not a building or a group of people; it is just us normal people who are followers of Him. How often do we say we believe God? We believe he is our provider, our healer, our friend, etc. But we live our lives paralyzed by fear, lack and sickness. I’m honest enough to admit that I often just get mad at God for not showing up to rescue me, but this past year has taught me valuable lessons in sovereignty, trust, and just knowing “He is”. I have not always liked the path I am walking in, but I always seem to have known that I did not walk alone. So I was a little put off that God would ask me “Who do you say I am?”
I cried. I cried the next day as I studied these scriptures in Matthew. Because if I’m honest with myself, I don’t really live out who He is and who I know He is in my life. There had to be something in my life that the Lord would ask me this, questions this specific rarely come without reason. So I am examining myself, trying to look back specifically on the past 4-5 weeks where I have really felt isolated, alone and without much hope. There was not even any reason for it, my doctors came up with a treatment plan that would keep me well; I just had to get through the flare.
But none of that changes anything unless I truly know who He is. And He would be I AM. In fact throughout most of the Bible we are told who He is. He was constantly reminding the Israelites that I AM. He either told them who He was to assure them of his favor or wrath in their lives, or many times he told them who he was so that they would see his love, kindness, provision or compassion towards them. He always wanted them to know who he was and that was I AM. In the Psalms, David wrote over and over again who God was. He is my big revelation – I know who I AM is, and I know who I am not without him. Who do I say He is? I am feeling better and honestly ever since last Wednesday I think I turned the corner in my health. More importantly I turned a corner with the Lord. Who do I say he is? He is all I need Him to be – He always was.
Nothing makes the enemy happier than to see me shrink back and give in. Sometimes we have to encourage ourselves, we have to know that no matter what He is who He is.
Peace be still,
-cv
Sunday, July 25, 2010
God's waits on us! Thoughts from Isaiah 30
Why is it that these days if I exert any energy on one day, the next day I pay for it. Today I have missed my 4th Sunday at church and as many Wed. night Bible Studies. While that alone is fatal to me, what is more fatal is that I am now starting to feel like I'm never going to get better. I am concerned that I'm always going to be exhausted, always have skin that when scratched is painful and always itching. I have Lupus, but I'm bound and determined that Lupus will not have the best of me. Until days like today -- when I truly lay around all day and barely get out of my pj's.
I have two options:
1. Resort to drugs which help keep my condition at rest, but have horrible side effects;
2. Trust in the Lord.
Hence my problem, I don't do the trusting thing very well. I hate it, I feel guilty about it, but I told the Lord as much that I would love to trust him in this area of my life, but I fail miserably. It's not just trusting to help me get healthy, it's every area of my life. We had this conversation last night over dinner with some friends, how we want to go deeper -- but refuse to go deeper and the reason we don't go deeper is that it requires us to release control of our lives and TRUST (there is that word again) something that is bigger than we, powerful than we are, but yet we can't tanigbly touch or feel.
So today I have been pondering over Isaiah 30. It's easy to see at this point that the people of Israel have formed alliances with Egypt and God is just a little bit peterbed so he once again sends Isaiah to warn them. And the warning is stern! But right in the middle of the chapter the prophet says, "it does not have to be like this". I am the God who loves you, you don't have to sweat, toil, worry or try to figure it out -- I am here, just listen to me, just trust me, let me love you.
These two verses have captured my attention today.
Vs. 15: In returning and rest you shall be saved, in quietness and confidence shall be your strength, but you will not have it....
Vs. 18: Therefore the Lord will wait, that He might be gracious to you; And therefore He will be exalted; that He may have mercy on you. For the Lord is the God of justice. Blessed are those who wait on him.
What a contrast. The first 17 verses are about how we do not wait, but the last of the chapter starting at verse 18 is just about the benefits of waiting and trusting in God. What He is saying to me is.
You don't think you can trust me....I'll wait.
You don't want to hand over that control...I'll wait.
You don't want to dig in....I'll wait.
I WILL WAIT - for you, because I long for that. I long to sing over you, hear your concerns, hear your doubts. I wait for you to come back and see that I am all trustworthy you just have to come to me every single day. I WILL WAIT, because I know you and
Chew on Isaiah 30 this week, it will challenge your ability to trust in not only the seen but the unseen!
Peace be still....
I have two options:
1. Resort to drugs which help keep my condition at rest, but have horrible side effects;
2. Trust in the Lord.
Hence my problem, I don't do the trusting thing very well. I hate it, I feel guilty about it, but I told the Lord as much that I would love to trust him in this area of my life, but I fail miserably. It's not just trusting to help me get healthy, it's every area of my life. We had this conversation last night over dinner with some friends, how we want to go deeper -- but refuse to go deeper and the reason we don't go deeper is that it requires us to release control of our lives and TRUST (there is that word again) something that is bigger than we, powerful than we are, but yet we can't tanigbly touch or feel.
So today I have been pondering over Isaiah 30. It's easy to see at this point that the people of Israel have formed alliances with Egypt and God is just a little bit peterbed so he once again sends Isaiah to warn them. And the warning is stern! But right in the middle of the chapter the prophet says, "it does not have to be like this". I am the God who loves you, you don't have to sweat, toil, worry or try to figure it out -- I am here, just listen to me, just trust me, let me love you.
These two verses have captured my attention today.
Vs. 15: In returning and rest you shall be saved, in quietness and confidence shall be your strength, but you will not have it....
Vs. 18: Therefore the Lord will wait, that He might be gracious to you; And therefore He will be exalted; that He may have mercy on you. For the Lord is the God of justice. Blessed are those who wait on him.
What a contrast. The first 17 verses are about how we do not wait, but the last of the chapter starting at verse 18 is just about the benefits of waiting and trusting in God. What He is saying to me is.
You don't think you can trust me....I'll wait.
You don't want to hand over that control...I'll wait.
You don't want to dig in....I'll wait.
I WILL WAIT - for you, because I long for that. I long to sing over you, hear your concerns, hear your doubts. I wait for you to come back and see that I am all trustworthy you just have to come to me every single day. I WILL WAIT, because I know you and
Chew on Isaiah 30 this week, it will challenge your ability to trust in not only the seen but the unseen!
Peace be still....
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Intimidation
DO NOT BE INTIMIDATED
So last night I heard a message on intimidation that kind of rocked me. It was not one of those lay on the ground slobbery knocking down messages, but more like once I got home and looked over my notes again and then looked at some other notes I had in my journal that God started pulling together this blog.
Please understand, I don’t blog about every good message I hear, if that was the case, I would be writing huge blogs each weeks when I listen to my own pastor. He’s a pretty amazing communicator and I always glean something new out of what he teaches. But there are those messages that you NEED TO HEAR so that God can just reaffirm some things in you that a person seems to forget about over time.
So it was last night. I missed church on Sunday because my medication zonked me out and I overslept. So a friend posted on his facebook that their church was having services this week with Tommy Tenney so we went out to listen. We like Tommy Tenney; we had read some of his books, heard him preach before and trusted his ministry. He is teaching on not being intimidated, not a topic I would have expected from him – but obviously the word in due season that I needed to hear.
Here it is a glimpse at my notes, a glimpse into the Word, and a glimpse into my heart. The text for my blog this morning comes from Joshua 5:13-15; 6:1-10, 20; Hebrews 10:38-89.
513 Now when Joshua was near Jericho, he looked up and saw a man standing in front of him with a drawn sword in his hand. Joshua went up to him and asked, "Are you for us or for our enemies?" 14 "Neither," he replied, "but as commander of the army of the LORD I have now come." Then Joshua fell facedown to the ground in reverence, and asked him, "What message does my Lord [a] have for his servant?" 15 The commander of the LORD's army replied, "Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy." And Joshua did so. 6, 1Now Jericho was tightly shut up because of the Israelites. No one went out and no one came in. 2 Then the LORD said to Joshua, "See, I have delivered Jericho into your hands, along with its king and its fighting men. 3 March around the city once with all the armed men. Do this for six days. 4 Have seven priests carry trumpets of rams' horns in front of the ark. On the seventh day, march around the city seven times, with the priests blowing the trumpets. 5 When you hear them sound a long blast on the trumpets, have all the people give a loud shout; then the wall of the city will collapse and the people will go up, every man straight in." 6 So Joshua son of Nun called the priests and said to them, "Take up the ark of the covenant of the LORD and have seven priests carry trumpets in front of it." 7 And he ordered the people, "Advance! March around the city, with the armed guard going ahead of the ark of the LORD." 8 When Joshua had spoken to the people, the seven priests carrying the seven trumpets before the LORD went forward, blowing their trumpets, and the ark of the LORD's covenant followed them. 9 The armed guard marched ahead of the priests who blew the trumpets, and the rear guard followed the ark. All this time the trumpets were sounding. 10 But Joshua had commanded the people, "Do not give a war cry, do not raise your voices, do not say a word until the day I tell you to shout. Then shout!" 20 When the trumpets sounded, the people shouted, and at the sound of the trumpet, when the people gave a loud shout, the wall collapsed; so every man charged straight in, and they took the city.
Okay for some background, three things I did not know. Joshua is not young here. He is about 80. Secondly, I never saw this until last night, but how many times have I read this story of Joshua and the walls of Jericho and never realized before that the giant with the sword drawn was a Angel of the Lord. Joshua was not intimidated by the size of the guard, he just walked right up to him in his old age and flat out picked a fight – “are you with us or against us?”. Cracks me up!
We can take the following nuggets out of this story from Joshua:
Joshua was not intimidated. He had a promise from the Lord that he would possess the land. When God has given you a promise, it matters not what you have in your hand, but what is in your heart.
Think about it. Earlier in this book we see the 12 spies being sent out scope out the land. Ten of those spies came back with a negative report, only Joshua and Caleb came back and said “heck yea we can take this land!”. This is the land flowing with milk and honey that has been promised to us, and yes there are giants there – but we can take them. I can almost hear him saying now – C’mon Moses let’s take these guys!! Make a note here readers, out of Joshua’s generation only he and Caleb walked into Jericho and inhabited the land. Their entire generation who walked 40 years in the wilderness died. It was the following generation that inherited the land.
When we are intimidated by our enemy, we can be intimidated out of our promise. Don’t do that.
Joshua had been there before. He had seen the giants in the land and he was not intimidated 40 years earlier, and he was not intimidated. I guess he woke up one morning looked across the land and decided he was going to figure out what ground he was standing on and just how big and bad was this enemy. What can we learn from this? I think we can learn that the longer we whine and complain the more surmountable our situation becomes. Engage the enemy early, cut off his head and let him know you are not afraid of him! Imagine Joshua’s surprise when he realized the guy at the gate was on his side. Now I wonder about this, were these giants armies of the Lord the entire time and out of fear Israel walked 40 years in the desert for no reason at all? Too bad they could not see with God’s eyes the way Joshua did. We are no different, one day a light bulb goes off and we get it.
Sometimes faith is what you do before fear takes hold.
I believe it takes more bravery to step out in faith and trust God than it does to stay in the place we are at and allow the enemy to engulf us in fear. My momma always told me “it’s hard to hit a moving target”. I hate fear. I hate what it does to me, how it causes me to shrink back, how it refuses to release me until I seek the face of God. I hate that the enemy has no new tactics and will always use our own fear as a way to cause us to not trust what the Lord has promises us, cause us to take control of a situation, or get angry at bitter at God for not moving on our behalf. If we will just step out and reach for Him, we might see the armies of the Lord moving on our behalf in our own situations.
Fear magnifies your problem, faith magnifies your promise.
Our lives tend to be ruled by us seeing a sickness, problem, struggle, etc., and then if we can’t figure it out we become afraid. I think most of our fears are a direct result of our inability to release. I have always been plagued by this. In all my years of walking with God, I can tell you that if there is one thing more than anything that t he enemy uses to engage me it is fear. I have been ruled by it, I have been intimidated by it and frankly I’m pretty sick of it. Fear takes my struggles and makes them look like giants in my land that I have no control over and I have no ability to conquer. I know this woman who has spoken more truth into my life than I can ever grasp. She understood my struggle and would constantly speak into my life the word “release”. Not an easy task for me. But I have found that when I do that, and I release my fears I am much more able to walk in faith in a situation and trust the Lord to do mighty things on my behalf. I am learning how to do this all over again. I have had a horrible 18 months that have been plagued by illness, instability and yes fear. I wish I could say I looked at each of these instances in my life and used the faith I have to activate something that I could tangibly trust. I have not stopped praying, I have not stopped believing but I have stopped trusting the Lord to cause me to overcome my giants. But instead I have looked at the continual report of doctors which have not been good, I have had a enemy in my face most of this year slashing away at the very core of my being, and I have done something I swore I would never do when I returned from Mexico over the holidays – I HAVE SHRUNK BACK.
Our WORSHIP ACTIVATES WAR!
I love this part. Notice it was not in battle but before the battle even began that the Israelite's had victory in Jericho. It was after they (1) obeyed the Lord and (2) worshiped the Lord that the walls came down. When the walls came down they had complete victory over their enemy. If we would just learn to praise our way through our circumstances instead, we just react and surrender to what we see with our natural eyes. Oh that we would look beyond our circumstances and the world and listen to the report of the Lord. Worship activates war. I think we see this principle throughout the bible. It has always been when we just stood back, worshipped, prayed and trusted the Lord that things seemed to move. It is not rocket science – really it’s not. There is no mathematical formula that is going to move God, we can’t outgive him, outlast Him, or even outlive Him. It is simple obedience that moves His hand on our behalf. At our church we have incredible worship, it’s the kind of worship that no matter what you face walking into the door, when the worship starts, you can feel the Lord begin to move in and among us. What is the Holy Spirit looking for during those times. I don’t think he is looking to see who is clapping, who raises their hands, who has eyes closed, or who is reading the words from the screen. I believe the Holy Spirit is looking to see who is willing to engage! I can’t prove it scripturally (yet), but it makes perfect sense to me. As my friend says, I’m just sayin…
Which brings me to the 2nd part of my blog Hebrews 10:38-39.
38But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him." 39But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved.
I have blogged this passage before, but it hit me like a ton of bricks last night, and it ties so well in with Joshua that I can’t help but include it as the closing of my blog.
Remember this, the Israelite's believed the negative report, they SHRUNK BACK and then they endured dying in the wilderness instead of taking hold of the promise God had for them. For 40 years a entire generation of God’s chosen people walked around the land that could have probably been theirs from the get-go. The problem and the promise had the same name. The problem GIANTS in the land, the promise was that they would be GIANTS in the land.
I have decided I do not really want to die in this land. I don’t want to keep going around the same old mountain full of fear and intimidation and self-control. The question I keep hearing over and over from the Lord, is whether or not I am willing to release that fear and allow freedom to come through it. I don’t think God expects me to just give in too easily. I know he wants me to, and I press on trying harder than ever to not be ruled by my circumstances or what I see in the natural – but what I cannot see. I wish I could – but if I’m gut level honest, I can’t. I am willing to spend more time in His presence, pray harder, release more, and trust more. But I’m sure there will be days that I fail, and run back. One thing for sure, I hate feeling like God can have no pleasure in me. And whatever it takes to stop feeling that way – I will embrace!
So I close with this to my friends and readers. We are not created to be intimidated by our enemy. We are created to engage the enemy and defeat him. Whatever your GIANT is, I pray you will call it out by name. When David engaged Goliath he called him out. You can go read it for yourself in 1 Samuel 17, but I loved that David was not intimidated by the size of Goliath. In fact he walked right up and said to him: “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the LORD Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. This day the LORD will hand you over to me, and I'll strike you down and cut off your head.”
Tommy Tenney said this last night and I wrote it down, and think it holds true. “God’s answer to a giant problem was a shepherd with a bag and a stone”. I can’t help but agree with him.
Let us engage in the battle, let us cut off the head of our enemy, and let us not shrink back.
Peace be still,
Cindy
So last night I heard a message on intimidation that kind of rocked me. It was not one of those lay on the ground slobbery knocking down messages, but more like once I got home and looked over my notes again and then looked at some other notes I had in my journal that God started pulling together this blog.
Please understand, I don’t blog about every good message I hear, if that was the case, I would be writing huge blogs each weeks when I listen to my own pastor. He’s a pretty amazing communicator and I always glean something new out of what he teaches. But there are those messages that you NEED TO HEAR so that God can just reaffirm some things in you that a person seems to forget about over time.
So it was last night. I missed church on Sunday because my medication zonked me out and I overslept. So a friend posted on his facebook that their church was having services this week with Tommy Tenney so we went out to listen. We like Tommy Tenney; we had read some of his books, heard him preach before and trusted his ministry. He is teaching on not being intimidated, not a topic I would have expected from him – but obviously the word in due season that I needed to hear.
Here it is a glimpse at my notes, a glimpse into the Word, and a glimpse into my heart. The text for my blog this morning comes from Joshua 5:13-15; 6:1-10, 20; Hebrews 10:38-89.
513 Now when Joshua was near Jericho, he looked up and saw a man standing in front of him with a drawn sword in his hand. Joshua went up to him and asked, "Are you for us or for our enemies?" 14 "Neither," he replied, "but as commander of the army of the LORD I have now come." Then Joshua fell facedown to the ground in reverence, and asked him, "What message does my Lord [a] have for his servant?" 15 The commander of the LORD's army replied, "Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy." And Joshua did so. 6, 1Now Jericho was tightly shut up because of the Israelites. No one went out and no one came in. 2 Then the LORD said to Joshua, "See, I have delivered Jericho into your hands, along with its king and its fighting men. 3 March around the city once with all the armed men. Do this for six days. 4 Have seven priests carry trumpets of rams' horns in front of the ark. On the seventh day, march around the city seven times, with the priests blowing the trumpets. 5 When you hear them sound a long blast on the trumpets, have all the people give a loud shout; then the wall of the city will collapse and the people will go up, every man straight in." 6 So Joshua son of Nun called the priests and said to them, "Take up the ark of the covenant of the LORD and have seven priests carry trumpets in front of it." 7 And he ordered the people, "Advance! March around the city, with the armed guard going ahead of the ark of the LORD." 8 When Joshua had spoken to the people, the seven priests carrying the seven trumpets before the LORD went forward, blowing their trumpets, and the ark of the LORD's covenant followed them. 9 The armed guard marched ahead of the priests who blew the trumpets, and the rear guard followed the ark. All this time the trumpets were sounding. 10 But Joshua had commanded the people, "Do not give a war cry, do not raise your voices, do not say a word until the day I tell you to shout. Then shout!" 20 When the trumpets sounded, the people shouted, and at the sound of the trumpet, when the people gave a loud shout, the wall collapsed; so every man charged straight in, and they took the city.
Okay for some background, three things I did not know. Joshua is not young here. He is about 80. Secondly, I never saw this until last night, but how many times have I read this story of Joshua and the walls of Jericho and never realized before that the giant with the sword drawn was a Angel of the Lord. Joshua was not intimidated by the size of the guard, he just walked right up to him in his old age and flat out picked a fight – “are you with us or against us?”. Cracks me up!
We can take the following nuggets out of this story from Joshua:
Joshua was not intimidated. He had a promise from the Lord that he would possess the land. When God has given you a promise, it matters not what you have in your hand, but what is in your heart.
Think about it. Earlier in this book we see the 12 spies being sent out scope out the land. Ten of those spies came back with a negative report, only Joshua and Caleb came back and said “heck yea we can take this land!”. This is the land flowing with milk and honey that has been promised to us, and yes there are giants there – but we can take them. I can almost hear him saying now – C’mon Moses let’s take these guys!! Make a note here readers, out of Joshua’s generation only he and Caleb walked into Jericho and inhabited the land. Their entire generation who walked 40 years in the wilderness died. It was the following generation that inherited the land.
When we are intimidated by our enemy, we can be intimidated out of our promise. Don’t do that.
Joshua had been there before. He had seen the giants in the land and he was not intimidated 40 years earlier, and he was not intimidated. I guess he woke up one morning looked across the land and decided he was going to figure out what ground he was standing on and just how big and bad was this enemy. What can we learn from this? I think we can learn that the longer we whine and complain the more surmountable our situation becomes. Engage the enemy early, cut off his head and let him know you are not afraid of him! Imagine Joshua’s surprise when he realized the guy at the gate was on his side. Now I wonder about this, were these giants armies of the Lord the entire time and out of fear Israel walked 40 years in the desert for no reason at all? Too bad they could not see with God’s eyes the way Joshua did. We are no different, one day a light bulb goes off and we get it.
Sometimes faith is what you do before fear takes hold.
I believe it takes more bravery to step out in faith and trust God than it does to stay in the place we are at and allow the enemy to engulf us in fear. My momma always told me “it’s hard to hit a moving target”. I hate fear. I hate what it does to me, how it causes me to shrink back, how it refuses to release me until I seek the face of God. I hate that the enemy has no new tactics and will always use our own fear as a way to cause us to not trust what the Lord has promises us, cause us to take control of a situation, or get angry at bitter at God for not moving on our behalf. If we will just step out and reach for Him, we might see the armies of the Lord moving on our behalf in our own situations.
Fear magnifies your problem, faith magnifies your promise.
Our lives tend to be ruled by us seeing a sickness, problem, struggle, etc., and then if we can’t figure it out we become afraid. I think most of our fears are a direct result of our inability to release. I have always been plagued by this. In all my years of walking with God, I can tell you that if there is one thing more than anything that t he enemy uses to engage me it is fear. I have been ruled by it, I have been intimidated by it and frankly I’m pretty sick of it. Fear takes my struggles and makes them look like giants in my land that I have no control over and I have no ability to conquer. I know this woman who has spoken more truth into my life than I can ever grasp. She understood my struggle and would constantly speak into my life the word “release”. Not an easy task for me. But I have found that when I do that, and I release my fears I am much more able to walk in faith in a situation and trust the Lord to do mighty things on my behalf. I am learning how to do this all over again. I have had a horrible 18 months that have been plagued by illness, instability and yes fear. I wish I could say I looked at each of these instances in my life and used the faith I have to activate something that I could tangibly trust. I have not stopped praying, I have not stopped believing but I have stopped trusting the Lord to cause me to overcome my giants. But instead I have looked at the continual report of doctors which have not been good, I have had a enemy in my face most of this year slashing away at the very core of my being, and I have done something I swore I would never do when I returned from Mexico over the holidays – I HAVE SHRUNK BACK.
Our WORSHIP ACTIVATES WAR!
I love this part. Notice it was not in battle but before the battle even began that the Israelite's had victory in Jericho. It was after they (1) obeyed the Lord and (2) worshiped the Lord that the walls came down. When the walls came down they had complete victory over their enemy. If we would just learn to praise our way through our circumstances instead, we just react and surrender to what we see with our natural eyes. Oh that we would look beyond our circumstances and the world and listen to the report of the Lord. Worship activates war. I think we see this principle throughout the bible. It has always been when we just stood back, worshipped, prayed and trusted the Lord that things seemed to move. It is not rocket science – really it’s not. There is no mathematical formula that is going to move God, we can’t outgive him, outlast Him, or even outlive Him. It is simple obedience that moves His hand on our behalf. At our church we have incredible worship, it’s the kind of worship that no matter what you face walking into the door, when the worship starts, you can feel the Lord begin to move in and among us. What is the Holy Spirit looking for during those times. I don’t think he is looking to see who is clapping, who raises their hands, who has eyes closed, or who is reading the words from the screen. I believe the Holy Spirit is looking to see who is willing to engage! I can’t prove it scripturally (yet), but it makes perfect sense to me. As my friend says, I’m just sayin…
Which brings me to the 2nd part of my blog Hebrews 10:38-39.
38But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him." 39But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved.
I have blogged this passage before, but it hit me like a ton of bricks last night, and it ties so well in with Joshua that I can’t help but include it as the closing of my blog.
Remember this, the Israelite's believed the negative report, they SHRUNK BACK and then they endured dying in the wilderness instead of taking hold of the promise God had for them. For 40 years a entire generation of God’s chosen people walked around the land that could have probably been theirs from the get-go. The problem and the promise had the same name. The problem GIANTS in the land, the promise was that they would be GIANTS in the land.
I have decided I do not really want to die in this land. I don’t want to keep going around the same old mountain full of fear and intimidation and self-control. The question I keep hearing over and over from the Lord, is whether or not I am willing to release that fear and allow freedom to come through it. I don’t think God expects me to just give in too easily. I know he wants me to, and I press on trying harder than ever to not be ruled by my circumstances or what I see in the natural – but what I cannot see. I wish I could – but if I’m gut level honest, I can’t. I am willing to spend more time in His presence, pray harder, release more, and trust more. But I’m sure there will be days that I fail, and run back. One thing for sure, I hate feeling like God can have no pleasure in me. And whatever it takes to stop feeling that way – I will embrace!
So I close with this to my friends and readers. We are not created to be intimidated by our enemy. We are created to engage the enemy and defeat him. Whatever your GIANT is, I pray you will call it out by name. When David engaged Goliath he called him out. You can go read it for yourself in 1 Samuel 17, but I loved that David was not intimidated by the size of Goliath. In fact he walked right up and said to him: “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the LORD Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. This day the LORD will hand you over to me, and I'll strike you down and cut off your head.”
Tommy Tenney said this last night and I wrote it down, and think it holds true. “God’s answer to a giant problem was a shepherd with a bag and a stone”. I can’t help but agree with him.
Let us engage in the battle, let us cut off the head of our enemy, and let us not shrink back.
Peace be still,
Cindy
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
For Better or Worse
Okay today I heard the announcement that Al and Tipper Gore are calling it quits -- after 40 years of marriage. Are you kidding me -- after 40 years "we grew apart". Unbelievable. I mean I understand it happens, but honestly? After 40 years you don't have enough in common to stay together.
I am prompted to write this blog, because (1) obviously I am married, (2) I believe in marriage and the sanctity of marriage and (3) I'm sick of hearing people whining about how they are "growing apart", not having "their needs met", and "he/she is not my soul mate". It's all garbage, nothing but selfish garbage and I'm really sick and tired of it. I can't count how many people Terry and I know that are separated, in the midst of divorce or just recently divorced for no other reason than "they are just not happy" or "have grown apart". Suck it up friends, get over yourselves and and learn to love unconditionally.
Terry and I have been through some pretty horrific things in the 33 years of the life we have done together. He has been through the death of both my parents and two siblings. I have stood by him through two job deployments to Iraq and countless deployments in the Navy for months on end. We have survived the near loss of our daughter, the loss of our grandson, the loss of our home and all our belongings and the horrifying reality that justice is not always just. We have stood by each other through years of unemployment and rejoiced in the success we have both found in recent months.
Divorce is not nor has it ever been an option. We may have thought about it, but in the end we always return to reality and understand that God has put His commands on us and together we will persevere. I'm not perfect, he is not perfect either, but there is something about doing life with someone who you know will be there through thick and thin, better or worse, sickness and health, rich or poor, till DEATH US DO PART. When Terry and I stood in front of God and our witnesses and took those vows we meant them. Yes, there are days I wake up and he just does not rock my world like he did even 10 years ago, I'm sure there are days where he looks at me and wonder's what is he doing? Terry is my lobster, some 33 years later he still makes my heart skip a beat, his laughter is contagious, he makes me smile, he puts up with me, and he is a witness to my life. He encourages me when I need it, he prays for me and with me, and even when I'm at my worst, I know I can count on him. I can't say that for many people in my life. Is he my soul mate? He is now, he probably was not 33 years ago, or even 23 years ago, but now - yes most definitely other than God, no one loves me more. But the bottom line is that beyond the love and mutual respect we share for each other, and when no one else loves us - we at least have each other!
God has a lot to say about marriage (Gen 2:24), (Ruth 1:16), (Ephesians 5:22-23). He has even more to say about divorce, especially that he HATES DIVORCE (Malachi 2:16), (1 Cor 7:10-12), (1 Peter 3:1-2), (Hebrews 13:4). Honestly, if we are Christians I do believe that we have absolutely no grounds to divorce. That is a hard pill for a lot of us to swallow, but since God makes the rules, our responsibility is to just obey. I'm not saying God wants you to stay in an abusive marriage where you or your children are not safe, but there are some things that are forgivable and there are some things that matter more and that is allowing God to show us how to love even when the circumstances don't warrant love in our own eyes. There is someting that I believe honors God and brings Him glory when we stick it out in even the toughest of circumstances of our marriage.
I don't know where you are if you read my blogs either on Facebook or Blogger, but let me encourage you. If you are discouraged, separated, thinking about or in the process of divorce - STOP RIGHT NOW. Think about God, think about your vows, think about what drew you to your spouse in the first place and then run to the lover of your soul, the one who can heal your heart, your hurts and your marriage. You see most of the people we know who are divorcing are doing so out of purely selfish motives. We talk to them and there is not one scriptural basis for their separation. They just "aren't happy". Can I just say this in love? You are trying to find wholeness in something or someone who can not in anyway satisfy you, how could he/she possibly do that? They are only human. Only God can give you complete satisfaction. Until He is the first and only in your life -- you will continue to be discontented in not only your marriage but in every other area of your life. You may find satisfactions and happiness for a season, but eventually you will be unsatisfied again. I speak this from experience.
Get some counseling, good counseling from a pastor or someone who will not tickle your ear and justify your selfishness. Make your husband/wife a priority. Learn to communicate (we had to learn that at about year 29) and allow your marriage to be a testimony to others. My favorite scripture that I encourage Terry with whenever we are going through tough times is this:
Ecclesiastes 3:11-13: Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
The truth is that together we are unstoppable, but when we retreat to our separate corners, then we are no longer together. That third strand of our cord is the the Lord. Without Him in our marriage - we probably would have become a statistic years ago.
Here are some scriptures I really want to close out with in regards to love and marriage:
Colossians 3:14: And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
The entire chapter if 1 Corinthian 13 - LOVE NEVER FAILS!!
Song of Solomon 2:16 My lover is mine and I am his; he browses among the lilies.
Song of Solomon 7:8: I belong to my lover, and his desire is for me.
Ruth 1:16: Your people will be my people and your God my God.
Proverbs 8:22 He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.
Blessings
Cindy
Proverbs 25:2 - It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings.
I am prompted to write this blog, because (1) obviously I am married, (2) I believe in marriage and the sanctity of marriage and (3) I'm sick of hearing people whining about how they are "growing apart", not having "their needs met", and "he/she is not my soul mate". It's all garbage, nothing but selfish garbage and I'm really sick and tired of it. I can't count how many people Terry and I know that are separated, in the midst of divorce or just recently divorced for no other reason than "they are just not happy" or "have grown apart". Suck it up friends, get over yourselves and and learn to love unconditionally.
Terry and I have been through some pretty horrific things in the 33 years of the life we have done together. He has been through the death of both my parents and two siblings. I have stood by him through two job deployments to Iraq and countless deployments in the Navy for months on end. We have survived the near loss of our daughter, the loss of our grandson, the loss of our home and all our belongings and the horrifying reality that justice is not always just. We have stood by each other through years of unemployment and rejoiced in the success we have both found in recent months.
Divorce is not nor has it ever been an option. We may have thought about it, but in the end we always return to reality and understand that God has put His commands on us and together we will persevere. I'm not perfect, he is not perfect either, but there is something about doing life with someone who you know will be there through thick and thin, better or worse, sickness and health, rich or poor, till DEATH US DO PART. When Terry and I stood in front of God and our witnesses and took those vows we meant them. Yes, there are days I wake up and he just does not rock my world like he did even 10 years ago, I'm sure there are days where he looks at me and wonder's what is he doing? Terry is my lobster, some 33 years later he still makes my heart skip a beat, his laughter is contagious, he makes me smile, he puts up with me, and he is a witness to my life. He encourages me when I need it, he prays for me and with me, and even when I'm at my worst, I know I can count on him. I can't say that for many people in my life. Is he my soul mate? He is now, he probably was not 33 years ago, or even 23 years ago, but now - yes most definitely other than God, no one loves me more. But the bottom line is that beyond the love and mutual respect we share for each other, and when no one else loves us - we at least have each other!
God has a lot to say about marriage (Gen 2:24), (Ruth 1:16), (Ephesians 5:22-23). He has even more to say about divorce, especially that he HATES DIVORCE (Malachi 2:16), (1 Cor 7:10-12), (1 Peter 3:1-2), (Hebrews 13:4). Honestly, if we are Christians I do believe that we have absolutely no grounds to divorce. That is a hard pill for a lot of us to swallow, but since God makes the rules, our responsibility is to just obey. I'm not saying God wants you to stay in an abusive marriage where you or your children are not safe, but there are some things that are forgivable and there are some things that matter more and that is allowing God to show us how to love even when the circumstances don't warrant love in our own eyes. There is someting that I believe honors God and brings Him glory when we stick it out in even the toughest of circumstances of our marriage.
I don't know where you are if you read my blogs either on Facebook or Blogger, but let me encourage you. If you are discouraged, separated, thinking about or in the process of divorce - STOP RIGHT NOW. Think about God, think about your vows, think about what drew you to your spouse in the first place and then run to the lover of your soul, the one who can heal your heart, your hurts and your marriage. You see most of the people we know who are divorcing are doing so out of purely selfish motives. We talk to them and there is not one scriptural basis for their separation. They just "aren't happy". Can I just say this in love? You are trying to find wholeness in something or someone who can not in anyway satisfy you, how could he/she possibly do that? They are only human. Only God can give you complete satisfaction. Until He is the first and only in your life -- you will continue to be discontented in not only your marriage but in every other area of your life. You may find satisfactions and happiness for a season, but eventually you will be unsatisfied again. I speak this from experience.
Get some counseling, good counseling from a pastor or someone who will not tickle your ear and justify your selfishness. Make your husband/wife a priority. Learn to communicate (we had to learn that at about year 29) and allow your marriage to be a testimony to others. My favorite scripture that I encourage Terry with whenever we are going through tough times is this:
Ecclesiastes 3:11-13: Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
The truth is that together we are unstoppable, but when we retreat to our separate corners, then we are no longer together. That third strand of our cord is the the Lord. Without Him in our marriage - we probably would have become a statistic years ago.
Here are some scriptures I really want to close out with in regards to love and marriage:
Colossians 3:14: And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
The entire chapter if 1 Corinthian 13 - LOVE NEVER FAILS!!
Song of Solomon 2:16 My lover is mine and I am his; he browses among the lilies.
Song of Solomon 7:8: I belong to my lover, and his desire is for me.
Ruth 1:16: Your people will be my people and your God my God.
Proverbs 8:22 He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.
Blessings
Cindy
Proverbs 25:2 - It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
FORGIVENESS = BREAKTHROUGH
So there is a spiritual heaviness I have had to break through this week. Breaking the Silence is only 9 days away - and I think the enemy is trying to bring up some stuff to cause me to shrink back and not be a part of something that I believe so strongly in. Before I share my thoughts on forgiveness let me say - that this is not just a conference for those who have suffered some type of abuse in their lives, but its for anyone, (men, women, children) who need a breakthrough .
Last night Terry and I caught about an hour of the Student Awakening going on at IHOP University in Kansas City on GOD TV and as we watched student after student take the platform and testify to the healing power of Jesus, one theme stood out - FORGIVENESS. I wept as I listened to students who came from horrific backgrounds. Some who had suffered great physical, emotional and spiritual abuse that thankfully many of my readers will never have to endure. But one thing was for sure, they had experienced something that only God could bring in their lives and that was breakthrough in some manner.
Each and every student said the same thing. "When I chose to forgive", my cough went away, my pain went away, my shame went away, my broken heart went away, my fear ended..." The list went on, but all had the same theme - they all realized they had to forgive someone.
The whole issue of forgiveness is a sticky one in the church today. I think its because as humans if someone hurts us our fleshly defense mechanism is to back off and "separate ourselves" from that person. Secondly, we often feel justified in how we feel towards that person, so we give ourselves the right to walk in unforgiveness. Jesus said if we harbor unforgiveness in our hearts over anything or anyone -- we can not be forgiven ourselves (Matthew 6:14-15). So does it not stand to reason that if we are refusing to forgive someone who has hurt us or caused us pain that we might have a battle on our hands in getting our own breakthrough? Not to mention that when we hold on to unforgiveness in our own hearts, we tie God up and hinder him in moving in the life of someone who might also need to not only receive forgiveness but salvation and freedom from their own hurts and disappointments.
So my personal application comes form my own childhood. I didn't grow up in a secure and loving Christian home. My husband and I often laugh that he grew up in one of those homes you see in a early 60's sitcom like Ossie and Harriet, and my family was more like The Osbourne's. Truth be told, it was more like a bad scene out of the movie Prince of Tides. Some of the things I was exposed to and endured as a child up until my teen years were never talked about, and it was not until a few years ago that I had the courage to admit to a counselor what I had endured. My own husband did not even know and we had been married almost 30 years at that point.
As I became and adult, I really struggled with my relationship with my parents, especially my mother who I knew was supposed to do all she could to protect me -- but just could not. Even after I became a Christian, and years later as I became a follower (yes they do not always happen together), I really struggled with her. She loved her grandchildren and in many ways I see now she was trying to make up for her own mistakes by being a great grandmother. With me, more than 4 hours in a room with her and the conversations would go to bitter arguments that would just leave me exhausted and emotionally drained screaming for Valium.
Then one day when I was fixing to teach Tessa about respect and obedience towards her parents, God just spoke to me. He told me to call mom and apologize for failing to respect her. Now let's just say I was not stepping up to the plate of obedience because honestly -- did God know what he was asking me to do? I will say this -- that as a young Christian who had only been walking with the Lord for about a short time (less than 10 years), I saw my first breakthrough in my life. I called her, and I told her I was sorry and that she did not deserve for me to disrespect her. I didn't condition that apology with anything - even though deep down I probably felt she deserved the treatment she received from me, just that I was sorry and that I loved her.
Friends, in the coming days the dam broke and things changed. My mother cried over the phone and then asked for me to please forgive her. She knew that she had not been the best example in parenthood, she knew that some of what I had experienced was her fault, and she was truly sorry. And even though she was a mess, she was a mess that only God could deal with and for the next 4 weeks we were closer than we had ever been. And 5 weeks later after complications from back surgery a blood clot traveled from her leg to her heart and she was gone. However, not before I had the incredible opportunity to witness my brother-in-law lead her in a sinner's prayer and see her go from glory to glory. BECAUSE I HAD FORGIVEN SHE WAS ABLE TO BE FORGIVEN!God knew her time was limited, and he also knew that I was hindering Him from dealing with her heart.
So do you harbor forgiveness in your heart? Do you hold on to things someone did forever and refuse to let them go. Even if you are justified in your emotions, like I thought I was - you need to forgive. Out of that forgiveness you have the power to offer someone a chance at something they may never have - eternal life! Out of that forgiveness God can give you what you may have been desperately been crying out for years.
Peace be still--
cv
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